Hancock’s Father Wonders Who Will Pay His Trailer Note Now

Now, I’m not one to bemoan a life of excess. Certainly not. Almost all of us have had way too much to drink before. Secretly, most of us have at least tried pot, almost certainly we’ve almost all gotten behind the wheel when we’ve probably had too much. It happens. It’s nothing to pride yourself about of anything, but it happens.

But, here’s the thing that’s stuck in my craw: Since Josh Hancock’s death I’ve seen articles titled “Why Every Team Needs Someone Like Hancock” and the like. Wait…what? Once again, I can’t speak against any intoxicants, I’ve done my share, but every team needs a drunk frat boy? The only thing that gave Josh Hancock a Josh Hancock Memorial Day instead of a Josh Hancock Public Service Announcement is that he’s the only one who died. Just because he’s the only one who died, he’s now a mentor and a hero who died at the top of his game. If the guy in the stalled car or the tow truck driver had bit the dust along with him, it would’ve been just another case of athletes gone wild. Maybe the Cincinnati Bengals would’ve offered him a posthumous contract. (Hmmm…too far? Let’s move on.)

I digress, this article isn’t to speak ill of Josh Hancock or his lifestyle. I can’t say it enough that I understand his lifestyle, I was just luckier when his was mine. No, this article is to talk about the next disgusting abuse of the legal system in the wake of Josh Hancock’s death:

Today, Josh Hancock’s father officially filed suit against EVERYONE involved. He’s suing the restaurant where Hancock had been boozing it up all night for serving him booze after he was already drunk. He’s suing the tow truck driver because logs indicate that the driver had been on the scene for 15 minutes prior to Hancock slamming into the back of his truck and for failing to put down road flares, despite the tow truck’s giant flashing yellow lights that were reported to have been on. Most appalling of all, however, he’s suing the guy whose car stalled on the side of the road.

Yes, folks. He’s suing the guy with the broken down car for being “negligent in allowing the vehicle to reach the point where it stalled on the highway and for failing to move it out of the way of oncoming traffic.”

So, boys and girls, be sure you change your oil regularly and double check your radiator fluid, because if a drunk athlete wedges himself under the tow truck that AAA called out for you, guess what: You’re ruined!

The final cherry on top of this appalling disgrace is that the lawyer for Josh Hancock isn’t 100% certain that everyone is getting thoroughly sued, so they are pondering the possibility of throwing the Cardinals and Major League Baseball itself into the mix. I mean, the guy with the broken down car certainly doesn’t have enough money to set Hancock’s dad up for life, why else would he be driving a broken down car? So, it’s best, when you’re aiming for the stars, to go after the big boys and their big bucks, you know because…uh…because the Cardinals knew he liked to drink and didn’t tell him not to? Because the MLB doesn’t test for Miller High Life as stringently as they do for HGH? Yeah, it makes sense…IF YOUR NAME IS JACKIE CHILDS!

In closing, it’s sad that Josh Hancock died. Especially since he was doing something I had done many times in the past, it makes you think. But, all the hullaballoo following it is completely misplaced and Hancock’s father takes the cake and the cake in front of a child as well. If Josh was a human, I like to think that he would be disgusted at his father as well. Kind of reminds me of Joe Dirt’s parents…

Just thought you should know…

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