Whoops, Last Comic Standing!
by Polish PowerhouseJuly 15, 2007
After Man vs. Wild on Discovery Channel, Last Comic Standing is my next favorite show currently on television. However, I also happen to have been a stand up comedy fan since as long as I can remember. I’ve learned a great deal about humor via Bill Cosby, George Carlin, Bill Hicks, David Cross, Patton Oswalt, Doug Stanhope, and countless others.
Last night was an atrocity against humor. I sat with my wife last night and watched Dante (that’s it, just Dante. I fucking HATE one word names. Only Sinbad can get away with that, and he’s still not really forgiven.) perform one of the biggest cliches in stand up comedy: the vomitous rage inducing “What if such and such were performed by so and so” routine, followed by a circle jerk of ridiculous impressions. It’s right up there with airplane peanut jokes and mother in law jokes. So, for 30-45 painful seconds, I watched this half-ass motherfucker do a bit about “What if the Wizard of Oz was performed by Jack Nicholson, Christopher Lloyd, and some other people I can’t do impressions of…” He even finished it off with a fucking TERRIBLE impression of Robert DiNero saying, “You talkin’ to me?” THE MOST CLICHE LINE IN THE MOST CLICHE BIT IMAGINABLE!
Then, came the most disgusting part of all. It’s all up to you America (but we know from Season 1, when Drew Carey stormed off the set because the producers threw the judges votes away and picked who they wanted anyway, that the audience vote doesn’t matter)….your choice for the audience favorite is… MOTHERFUCKING DANTE! Yes! Why you Larry The Cable Guy lapping, good for nothing mongoloids! The producers were probably sitting there wearing their Crocs, eating their KFC Goo-Bowl, and wiping away mashed potatoes as they said, “Ooo! I like impressions. He’s in!”
P.S. – Four out of the five on the stage of finalists didn’t make me laugh even once. Doug Benson is the only funny one from last night, and that’s just because I’m not so sure that he’s not actually retarded. Do better Last Comic Standing producers. Oh, and since you (the producers) obviously didn’t notice, no one laughed at the fat crazy chick with the cats. No one. Her joke about skinny girls was met with crickets.
If Sean Rouse doesn’t make it next week and the fucking HEMI guy does…well, I think you may be reading Part 2 next Wednesday night…
Hmmm...I got nothin'...
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