Did you ever get the feeling that Joey Harrington is constantly getting screwed? Like we like to do here at ArmAss, let’s take a step back and look around. First the guy gets drafted by Detroit and is thrown right into the mess. We all know what happens next. Boom! Pow! Fail!

Well, after a little while of consistent failure, the Lions decide to shake things up a bit. They take the ball from Harrington, hand it to Mike McMahon, and hand Harrington a clipboard and a sideline cap. “Ooooo! Joey like! I get paid to stand here, hold this clipboard, and later on get laid for being Joey Harrington? WORD!”

Then, after McMahon plays well. Not great, but better than Harrington, and they say, “Bet that lit a fire under your ass! Now get out there and show us what we pay you for!” Joey quickly found that the ball weighs much more than a clipboard, and it was awkward. He didn’t like the whole picking himself up off of the grass thing either. He never caught on and after four seasons of bad football, the Lions ushered in Jon Kitna.

This was great news for Harrington who caught on with the Miami Dolphins! YES! Awesome! Daunte Culpepper’s a stud! Nobody replaces Daunte! Let me see, I got my headphones. Check! My clipboard. Check! Dolphins stadium cushion. Check!”

*SNAP!*

“What was that?!”

Suddenly, after thinking his dreams had been realized Harrington finds himself having to prove himself all over again. He politely swaps his sideline cap for a helmet and trudges out onto the field. “How come Cleo Lemon doesn’t have to play?”, Joey huffs… But, if he doesn’t play, people won’t keep paying him to NOT play when things work out like they’re supposed to! Damn!

So, down goes another season of piss poor quarterbacking, and once again down goes Harrington to team number three: Atlanta.

“Ha ha! Michael Vick. Face of the team! Matt Schaub has been the king of clipboards for years! There’s no way anything could happen to ruin my dream now!”

Oh shit…

Well, now poor Joey finds himself the starter, and on top of everything else even D.J. Shockley, Harrington’s backup, is injured. It’s all Harrington this season, like it or not.

Poor Joey. All he wants to do is find a nice sturdy quarterback to get behind, get paid, and fade into the shadows. Like Jim Sorgi. After pre-season, the only snaps he sees are as he’s trying to figure out the rhythm to Jitterbug by Wham! from the bench. Now, that’s the life. By normal standards Jim Sorgi’s rich, and he does little more than watch a great football team from the best seat in the house. That’s all Joey Harrington wants out of life. But, they keep making him “prove himself”! They keep making him play, and if they keep it up long enough he’s going to ruin his chances when every team realizes how much he sucks and won’t even hire him for the Jim Sorgi role.

Poor Joey…

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