This Manning Is An Island: Part 1
by Polish Powerhouse“Well, my earliest memory is in the backyard of our house in Metarie. It was June, and I remember it was incredibly hot, even though I was stripped down to just my diaper. My father was practicing his scrambling with a tetherball pole, sometimes driving his shoulder into it and screaming, “Not today, Youngblood!” When he finished his drills then it was time for mine. He just started whipping the ball at me, the whole time screaming, “Get your hands up, Manning! Hands up!” But, that was Archie for you.”
Tired of sluggish two-year old Cooper’s poor first practice, Archie finally pulled his wife, Olivia, into the backyard and told her to put Cooper in the crib and to get her “mitts up”. Cooper watched from the crib as his mother was pelted all over her body with short yardage line drives. He didn’t cry for his mother. He didn’t cry because he wasn’t sad. Even at the ripe young age of two, Cooper understood that this was all a part of growing up Manning.
“Archie let mom have the evening off from short yardage drills when her water broke in midstride. But, to make up for the drills she missed, he made her drive herself to the hospital. I can remember Archie telling my mom that if she didn’t ‘spit out a champion’, she was going to owe him a Bull In The Ring session.” Bull In The Ring sessions for Team Manning consisted of Archie standing about ten feet away from Olivia or Cooper and charging them, knocking them to the ground, and as they returned to their feet repeating the process.
Olivia Manning realized that fateful evening that she would never owe the Bull In The Ring session. That night she gave birth to a strapping baby boy and they named him Peyton. It was later on the next morning that Cooper’s role on Team Manning became apparent.
“The nurses had Peyton on the table checking him out, when Peyton yanked the pacifier out of his mouth and hurled it across the room. CLEAR across the room. And it nailed me in the eye. I can remember being inconsolable. Archie shoved the nurses aside, picked Peyton up and said, “Now THAT’S a champion!” Now that I think back on it, that may have been the first time I realized that I was a square peg in the round hole of Team Manning.”
That hole was quickly plugged by younger brother Peyton. As the years passed, it became more apparent that Peyton had become the golden child. Not only was Peyton receiving the majority of Cooper’s drills, including the coveted Bullet Hop session where Archie would whip ball after ball at the bare feet of the children, forcing them to jump or suffer broken toes, but at the age of five, it already seemed that Cooper was ‘being forced into retirement’. He became engulfed in books while the shadow cast over him by his younger brother grew.
“I began reading Hardy Boys mysteries and I had gotten really big into Choose Your Own Adventure books. There was one time that Peyton came trudging into the room while I was reading a particular Choose Your Own Adventure about unicorns, his feet were bruised and bloody, his face was filthy from drills. He said, “Whatcha readin’?” I said, “The Gilded Pegasus.” He said, “Looks like Rainbow Brite. You like unicorns, Coop?” I, of course, said, “No!” But, it didn’t matter, he started laughing and asked where my unicorn was. Do you have any idea what it’s like to have your three-year old brother mocking you about unicorns? It hurt.”
That night at the dinner table, his father joined in, “At dinner that night, Archie held his corn on the cob to his forehead and starting laughing saying, “Hey Coop! I’m your boyfriend the unicorn! Hop on my back and let’s fly to Rainbowland!” He and Peyton just laughed, slapped a high five, and went out into the backyard for more drills. As they left, Archie stuck his head back inside and said, “Help your mother wash the dishes, Sir Reads-A-Lot.”
Over the years, Cooper and his mother formed a bond that couldn’t be formed with his father or Peyton who was quickly showing signs of becoming the superstar that he was destined to become. She showed him how to cross stitch and hem, and they spent many nights sewing up the holes in Peyton’s pants while watching prime time soaps.
“One night, we were watching Falcon Crest and stitching up some of Peyton’s pants that Archie had torn during a Bull In The Ring drill, when Archie came in talking about Peyton “killing the Monceaux’s terrier from sixty yards with a pass”. Archie was floored, he was so swollen with pride he grabbed my mother by the wrist and pulled her into the bedroom. At the time I thought they were doing more drills because I heard a lot of ruckus and Archie screaming, “Make me a champion! Make me a champion!” but now I understand there wasn’t any Bull In The Ring going on in there.”
No, six months later, Olivia was well pregnant with Eli. Each night Archie would lean into her belly and tell the young Manning inside, “Move those feet, Manning!” and laugh maniacally. It was after six constant months of Archie’s daily “in utero drills” that Olivia turned to the booze. It was Archie’s belief that by screaming threats at the fetus within Olivia’s stomach that the young Manning could have a head start on greatness. Archie would lean into Olivia’s stomach and scream “HANDGRENADE!” or “BLITZ! BLITZ! BLITZ!” until the baby squirmed enough to give Archie the feeling of a successful drill session. Olivia found that with a nice double-finger’s worth of scotch before the “in utero drills”, baby Manning would move much quicker, thus ending her participation in the drills.
“When Eli was born, you could tell something just wasn’t right. I mean, he looked like a Manning, and Archie swore he was a champion, but he always had this sullen look. Kind of like he knew he couldn’t be the Manning that Peyton and Archie were, but that he wanted to run with the big dogs all the same. Case in point, when the nurses were checking out Eli, he threw his pacifier, too. But, it just plopped on the floor next to the bassinet, and when it did he lit into a fit of screaming and tears.”
Stay tuned for This Manning Is An Island: Part 2…
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