My wife, my kids, my mom, and I all went to the Halloween store to get the kids their Halloween costumes yesterday. We walked down an isle stocked with over-sized rats, bats, skulls, and whatnot.

On the bottom shelf were three large Cerebus figures. I picked one up, and lo and behold, Cerebus is anatomically correct! Wang and balls! I immediately walk up to my mom and oldest son, and say, “Look mom! Cerebus!” and she looks at me like, “Yeah, and?” Then I flip him around…balls in her face! I say, “Is Cerebus a boy? I can’t remember… Mom?”

She starts cracking up, my oldest son says, “Ewwww! That dog’s got junk!”

People around me in the aisle are very silent about this. They’re staring at me, but silent nonetheless. I say, “I’ve got to show Crystal, she’ll love this!” I go track down my wife, clutching the Cerebus by two of it’s heads like a bicycle’s handlebars, inadvertently waving it’s balls at the people in the isle as my grinning son chases behind me.

I find my wife, who has waited through the huge costume line and is finally getting helped, I run up to her, giddy as a guy who just found balls on a stuffed mythological dog, and say, “Check out the balls on Cerebus!”

She’s instantly horrified, as is the girl getting the costume for her. She says, “DAVID!”

No one else in the line is amused by this. Me, my son and my mom are the only ones who are outwardly amused. I was appalled! What’s wrong with people that they can’t laugh at stuffed dog balls?

As an aside, my wife WAS actually amused, but as I tend to do, I had picked a very poor time to run at her with dog balls as she’d been standing in line for 20 minutes while trying to keep up with our 2 year old.

Such is life for a man and his stuffed dog balls.

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