What’s that smell you say? Check your feet, if you didn’t walk through something, it’s probably my picks from last week. Diabolical! I went 4 for 11, and for the 4th straight week killed one of my picks with Ronnie Brown going down for the season. Unfortunately, last week’s stale fart of an article brought me down to 64% on the season. We must rebuild it! Let’s get to work:
Better Than Usual: QBs
Brian Griese – CHI vs. DET – As desperate as it seemed when the Bears benched Grossman for their aged clipboard holder, Griese has come on and gotten stronger every week. He’s not just focusing on Berrian, he’s spreading the ball around like Hepatitis at a Phish concert. Playing against the 30th ranked pass defense at home should guarantee 17+ points this weekend.
Chad Pennington – NYJ vs. BUF – Well, this is it for Chad. This will be a monumental game for him, and no one will really notice. If he does well, he’ll be the starter next week again. If he craps the bed again, he will join the ranks of Joey Harrington, forced out of a job, destined for a new team and a new clipboard to hold for the rest of his career. If he can’t get 17+ points this week against the #31 ranked pass defense, then he shouldn’t even hold Harrington’s clipboard.
Not So Much: QBs
Brett Favre – GB @ DEN – Well, it sounds like Champ Bailey will be back this week. Add that to the fact that since Week 2, Favre’s QB Rating has dropped each week (although it’ll be hard to get worse than 43.5 from Week 6) and multiply that by the stiffness in old man joints brought on by a bye week last week. Well, that’s a formula for failure.
Jeff Garcia – TB vs. JAC – It’s the battle of America’s Penis (Florida, people…). With Quinn Gray at the helm again this week in Jacksonville, after a week of looking like someone let a confused and frightened high school kid on the field, Tampa should pretty much own this game. That means not so much passing, and even when Jeffy does pass, chances are good he might just throw his first INT of the season. Which isn’t life or death on the field, but in fantasy it’s -2 and that just sucks.
Better Than Usual: RBs
Steven Jackson – STL vs. CLE – It’s the moment many frustrated fantasy players have waited for, Steven Jackson returns to football! And what better welcoming party than the 30th ranked rush defense who has given up 100+ rushing yards to every starting running back to face them this season. Many last placed teams are very excited about their chances now.
Brandon Jacobs – NYG vs. MIA – Garbage time is generally defined by the last few minutes of a lop-sided game. Well, we’re probably looking at around 50-55 minutes of garbage time in this game, in which Derrick Ward won’t be hawking carries and Brandon Jacobs will be running through candy clouds and rainbows (or the Miami defense if you want to be technical…) as confused Brits storm the ticket booth wondering where David Beckham is.
Not So Much: RBs
Clinton Portis – WAS @ NE – This is a bad situation. The Patriots haven’t scored less than 34 points yet this season. The Redskins haven’t scored more than 34 and they’ve only done that once. That means the Redskins will spend a lot of time on their asses.
Kenny Watson – CIN vs. PIT – Wow! He was something special last week wasn’t he? I was glad I grabbed him at the last minute off of waivers. Well, that all ends this week. Pittsburgh eats back up running backs for breakfast.
Better Than Usual: WRs
Santonio Holmes – PIT @ CIN – Santonio has been great in his second season. He’s proven that defenses better not stack themselves on Hines Ward, and Heath Miller is a threat as well. So, with a really really bad Bengal defense spread around trying to cover all of Big Ben’s targets, Mr. Holmes should be wide open for even more TDs.
Chris Chambers – SD vs. HOU – Will he be the best WR out there this week? No. But, I’ve got a couple of reasons for backing Chris Chambers. He’s excited to be playing for a contender for the first time in his career. He’s had a week to study up and practice. He’s right back into a Norv Turner system. He knows the game, and I think San Diego is going to try and air it out and see exactly what a second round draft pick bought them a couple of weeks ago.
Not So Much: WRs
Steve Smith – CAR vs. IND – Boy, he looked sharp all over again against Arizona hooking up with Grandpa Vinny. It was enough to make you say, “Wait, it took Vinny Testeverde to bring Steve Smith out of his shell again?” Well, now Bob Sanders will be covering Mr. Smith, and why not? Who else are the Panthers going to throw to as tehy get their asses handed to them?
Chad Johnson – CIN vs. PIT – Ocho Stinko has plummeted into a depression. He’s said he’s not dancing any more (which must have GoDaddy.com pretty upset), he and Carson Palmer look like Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie on the field, and well he’s just plain ol’ getting out shined by Houshmandzadeh. Not only do I not expect him to put up good numbers this weekend, I’d be shocked if he plays the whole game. Depression’s a bitch.
Hmmm...I got nothin'...