Everywhere I look these days, grown men are talking about American Idol like they USED to talk about sports. Every week on the local 9:00 news, our FOX station has a segment on the goings on of this week’s American Idol. And I’m not talking about at the end of the broadcast, after [...]
So, here we are again. The day that makes Vidal Sassoon their commissions as interns spend weeks slathering on hair gel and industrial grade sealants to Kiper’s hair helmet in preperation for today. I have cracked open a bottle on Absinthe that I got from a friend for Christmas. The Green Fairy [...]
Sitting in living rooms, kitchens, and agent’s offices across America at this very moment are around 1000 players who have been poked, prodded, and pranced over the past few months trying to determine whether or not they’re draft material. 255 of those 1000 will be deemed worthy tomorrow and Sunday. One test will [...]
With the draft looming large in the minds of football fans everywhere, we’re seeing mock draft after mock draft as well as the perennial “Worst #1 Picks EVER” lists that make Tim Couch and Ki-Jana Carter cry every year. Well, enough of this nonsense! Let’s be positive for a moment and discuss the [...]
Throughout the years of all sports, evolutions occur. In basketball, guards and forwards morphed into point guards, shooting guards, power forwards, and small forwards. Baseball developed closers, setup men, and long relievers from the solitary position of pitcher. Hell, even football has developed the third down back and the slot receiver out [...]
JERUSALEM (ArmAss) – The Eagles have finally responded to the hundreds of thousands of unfounded rumors circulating on EagleFellator.com, pardon me…YardBarker.com, by their rabid fan base. Andy Reid took the podeum last night to announce that the Eagles had finalized a deal with the Mecca Camels, a Heavenly franchise in the HFL, to send [...]
Since my job requires me to watch sports all day and because the Sabres didn’t make it this year, I’m refusing to watch any hockey playoffs during my free time this spring.HOWEVER, I’m telling all you readers that it’s about time you gave hockey a chance if you haven’t already.
I’ve got three reasons for you.
1. [...]
Ladies and gentlemen, I’d like to introduce you to the newest ArmAss contributor. Nathaniel is in many ways the bizarro me. I live in Alabama. He lives in Toronto. He loves hockey. They don’t even show the Stanley Cup finals here. He’s kind and sensitive. I’m brash and [...]
Here’s one I play with my friends, now you can too:
It’s very simple. Try to guess the following morning’s newspaper headlines after a game from both your local paper(s) and the opponents local paper(s).For example, my favorite sports team is the Buffalo Sabres. Whenever they win the headlines the next morning in their opponents papers [...]
Every league is going to be chock full of unimaginative, boring team names like Sith Lords or KLM1972 or Colorado Cubs. It’s awful. Me being the type to harp over a team name longer than I do when I’m debating on whether to use my #1 waiver priority on Johnny Cueto or not, [...]
There’s three general types of people that you are going to encounter in your average fantasy baseball (or any sport, really) league. There’s the guy who got in over his head, didn’t realize the amount of time necessary for fantasy baseball and now only makes appearances in the league a few times a month [...]
“Today at the chili cook off, I farted on your friend. I’m just kind of embarassed, so I wanted to write and apologize. I was really drunk, and your friend was just babbling on like a pretentious asshole. He was carrying on about being a trumpeteer for B.B. King or some shit… It was just [...]
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