Has The Whole World Gone Metrosexual?!

April 29, 2008

Everywhere I look these days, grown men are talking about American Idol like they USED to talk about sports. Every week on the local 9:00 news, our FOX station has a segment on the goings on of this week’s American Idol. And I’m not talking about at the end of the broadcast, after all the important news has been given. I’m talking about mid-broadcast, right after the “Body Found In A Dumpster” segment.

Today, I was driving back to work listening to what I thought was ESPN radio, when Tim Brando lit into his “Idol Update”. For 15 minutes, this smiling douche rattled off about and I’m quoting because it infuriated me so, “Jason Castro…Caster Oil?…Castro? Caster Oil? It should be caster oil because he sounded like the way Caster Oil smells last week.” What a GAY fucking pun job hacky thing to say about gayness.

This is probably the same guy that weeks ago, before they had whittled the selection down, was talking about how good a choice he was. But, now? Oh now, he just sucks and he’s never been good. Same with some other chick. she’s just awful apparently.

But, it wasn’t JUST the fact that he was dissecting American Idol. It was that he was dissecting American Idol with the same passion that men on sports radio USED to dissect sports. He went on to say that the American public shouldn’t be trusted to select who makes it in the entertainment business.

Okay, that statement right there sent me through the roof further than the Caster Oil pun. The people who BUY the music shouldn’t be allowed to choose who MAKES the music they listen to? We should leave it to old rich white guys? Trust me, I don’t listen to music that programs like this generate. It’s shit. In every sense. It’s fake passion, it’s fake soul. But, even with my music I wish I had the ability to shake the brothers Ween and say, “STOP MAKING FAKE RASTA SONGS! I HATE THEM!” But, I don’t. I have to rely on what they put out and deal with it. But, I buy it anyway because it doesn’t have some Clive Davis type corpse telling them what to sound like. They make their own mistakes and I chose them, mistakes and all.

I mean, a statement like that is no different than saying, “Trust the government, they know what’s best and won’t steer you wrong.” “You shouldn’t smoke pot, because they say not to.” It is the absolute squarest thing a person who is quite obviously is trying to remain as hip as possible could possibly say.

And it’s a grown man passionately extoling the idea. Even worse, a sportscaster taking 15 minutes from his hour long segment to do a bit about it. I’ve had it and it must stop!

So, please, sports people of the media. It’s baseball season! It’s the basketball and hockey playoffs! The NFL draft just went down! Please don’t degrade yoruself by talking about American Idol like it means something. It means nothing and you sound like an asshole.

Hmmm...I got nothin'...