Elvis won’t leave the goddamned building. Here we go again, another coy cat and mouse game between Brett Favre and the NFL viewing audience. Will he grace us with his presence for one more glorious season? Will he shuffle off in his Wranglers to his farm where he can rustle cattle and toss the pigskin through an old tire hanging from a tree branch? Oh, the suspense! I’m so enamored by it! I’m so on the edge of my seat! I’m so…

…fucking over it all.

You know this whole thing has jumped the shark when my wife is sick Brett Favre. Just the mention of his name now gets the eye roll, and Brett Favre was what enamored her with the game! And she’s not alone. As a matter of fact, it’s an odds on bet that outside of the NFC North cities he’s the majority “favorite player” amongst NFL fans.

OK, I got the hoopla back after 2006. He…well…he sucked. 18 TDs/18 INTs and a 72.7 QB Rating. He wanted to retire then. He said he didn’t have it any more. We were heartbroken.

And it began. Will he retire? Will he come back? Brett said, “I ain’t goin’ out like that!” and we all said, “Hell yeah, Brett, you show ‘em!” And damned if he didn’t! He came out like gangbusters and finished the season on a high note with 28 TDs, 15 INTs, and a 95.7 QB Rating.

However, the Vegas favorite Patriots vs Packers Super Bowl fell flat when Farve tossed a last minute, drive deflating interception to the Giants who went on to win the Super Bowl.

And so it went, like the Friends spinoff, Joey (same show, but even shittier), Favre said:


Several weeks later, he said, “PSYCHE!!! Gotcha! OK, let’s get to work, I want back in.” But, the Packers came back with, “Nah, you’ve been great! We LUUUURVE you, for real! But, we’re gonna let Aaron Rodgers drive for a while, you just sit in the back and take a nap, old fella. Matter of fact, we’ll GIVE you $20,000,000 to just sit back, shut up, and take a nap.” To which Favre said, “Pull over the car! I’ll hitch a ride! And screw you guys!”

Then, we all said, “*GASP* Brett Favre in a non-Packers jersey?! What about your legacy, Brett?! Think about how you’ll be remembered if you flop on a non-Packers team!”

We were hesitant to say the least, but supportive.

Then, when The Gunslinger came out saying “This old dog ain’t dead yet!” to the tune of 12 TDs, 4 INTs, and just shy of 1000 in the first 4 games. We all suddenly found ourselves back behind Brett again.

Then came the bye week…

The next 4 weeks he threw 8 INTs and 3 TDs. It didn’t get much better after that, following a 5 game winning streak by losing 4 out of the next 5 and (depending on who you talk to) pretty much single handedly removing the Jets from playoff contention.

The locker room was split. For the first time ever, players were outwardly saying, “Man, fuck Brett Favre. Who does he think he is?”

Now, here we sit, and it’s the same goddamned game of cat and mouse again. And maybe he doesn’t care what we think. Maybe he just loves the game so much that he can’t live without it.

But, I’ll tell you. We, the fans, are no longer concerned about your allegiance to the Packers. We no longer care about your legacy. All we know if that you’re being fucking annoying. How presumptuous are you to think that we’ll just sit on our hands, ready to finally exhale when you return? The NFL is a game, played by young men, for the entertainment of the viewing audience. Wheeling you out on the field for spite against the Packers again this year is the equivalent of the Michael Richards BET Comedy Hour. You used to be awesome and universally loved, but now the viewing audience has seen these moments of bullshit, and we don’t want you on the stage anymore.

You’ve aired dirty laundry, you bitched, you’ve moaned, you’ve tanked in crucial games, you’re even trying to come back just to spite the Packers…I mean, really?! You’re no longer Brett Favre. To hold with the Michael Richards comparison, now you’re just the guy who flipped out screaming racist bullshit at the crowd.

Yeah, you’ll still get millions in endorsements. Yeah, you’ll still be in the Hall of Fame. Yeah, we’ll all forget all of this bullshit 3-4 years after you FINALLY retire for good. But, if that’s the case…why bother? We’re all sick of it, and you’re actually losing fans now, Brett. Whoodathunk the day would’ve come?

Pull your head out of your ass, Favre. We’re sick of this shit. Don’t make us hate you, we like you way too much for that…

P.S. – While I’m on the subject, be sure you sign up all your friends and family for this heartwarming birthday greeting to be sent to them on their birthday!

Brett Favre’s Birthday Greeting

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