Naming your fantasy football team can be as much a statement about yourself as when you finally decide on that tattoo you’ve been wanting to get.  Sure, the tattoo is gonna last you a bit longer, but you might as well be getting an N’SYNC  tattoo on your bicep when you name your team Quiddich Rocks! or Go Eagles #1.   We walk a fine line here.  We play a game that gives you the ability to win based on the glory of someone else’s triumphs.  By definition, we’re pretty big dorks.  You don’t need to stand above the crowd with a lame ass name, too.  So, let’s go through some pointers when coming up with a name:

1.  Either be clever or offensive. This is the golden rule of naming your fantasy football team.  There is no wavering on this point, if you aren’t sure you’ve touched either of these marks, you’ve failed.  Try again.  More on this later…

2. Don’t use REAL team names. Come on, unless the entire Chicago Bears organization caught an outbreak of gonorrhea then there’s nothing good about naming your team after your favorite team.  First off, unless you’ve drafted a Bears majority you’ll expose the fact that you’re just a sucker for marketing and branding rather than a fan of your team’s players.  Secondly, if you DID draft a Bears majority, then God help you anyways.  There’s no way to win this one…

3. Don’t be a nancy boy. Does your team name reference something even lamer than fantasy football?  Think about it like this: If you told Samuel L. Jackson your team name, would he nod approvingly or call you a dumb cracker?

4. At least use SOME imagination. Nobody cares about playing against jsr122068 or Paul or KLMIII.  If this is the best you can do, let your mother come up with your name.  You can ask her next time she comes up to your room to lay out your clothes for you.

Tips from the Master:

I typically will go for offensive when I name my team.  That is unless I know I’m playing with people who I know are easily offended, then I just go for clever…or at least what I consider clever.  Here’s a list of some of my favorite past names and some that I just made up for fun:

1. The Money Shots

2. David Carradine’s Tied Ball Game

3. Deathblowjob

4. Kazemi QB Killa (Too soon, I know.  But, later it’ll be GOLD!)

5. The Shocker

The PG List:

1. One Ton Of Feathers

2. Fat Camp

3. Death Cow

So, in conclusion, take the time to come up with a good name.  If you’re not entertaining the troops, they’re plotting your demise.  Plus, who wouldn’t want a trophy that says Deathblowjob on it?

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