I implore you guys to list your fantasy fuck ups. See if you can beat what has quickly become my worst ever:
This season, in my most competitive league, I had the #5 pick overall. We’ve played together for seven years now, and I’ve been the commissioner from the beginning. Since we’re all spreadout across the country, we always do a Yahoo Live Online Draft. Leading up to the draft, I had a pretty good idea that I would be targeting DeAngelo Williams. Finally, it was my pick. With a minute and a half to pick, I suddenly got it in my mind that maybe I’d play it differently and just grab Larry Fitzgerald and start off with the best WR out there.
The seconds go ticking by. I glance over my spreadsheet, comparing benefits and detriments to each pick. Tick tock tick tock… Suddenly, I’m down to about 20 seconds. The chat board is lighting up with managers giving me hell over taking so long with my first pick. Tick tock… I highlight DeAngelo Williams as I check Larry Fitzgerald’s high points one last time. 3…2… With time about to expire, I double click on DeAngelo Williams’ name. 1… And with the 5th overall pick in 2009, One Ton Of feathers selects…
Brian Westbrook…
What the FUCK?! Brian Westbrook?! NOOOOOOOO!!! What just happened?! Turned out in a hilarious joke from Yahoo, they had listed Brian Westbrook as the #5 overall selection you could possibly make this season. And by double clicking his name, I did absolutely nothing, you were supposed to click the “DRAFT” button. I knew it, but I just assumed that double clicking would work just as well. I was wrong.
But, did that stop me from threatening to disband our 7 year old league at that moment? Did that stop me from threatening to shut down the internet? To call my congressman? To drop a bomb into the core of the Earth? Oh no. I threw a tantrum that would have embarrassed my 1 year old. It was powerful, it was the purest, unadulterated rage I have ever experienced.
Now, 7 weeks later, how do I feel about it? Furious. The uncertainty at the beginning of the season after missing the entire preseason. When he injured himself in Week 2 and missed Week 3. When he’s accumulated 184 rushing yards in 6 weeks. When he went out in the 1st quarter with a concussion this week. Absolutely furious. I knew it would happen. I never even considered drafting Brian Fucking Westbrook. Not in the 2nd round, not even in the 3rd, but ESPECIALLY not with the #5 pick overall.
As I write this, I was ahead by 25 points this week going into tonight’s game. I had Westbrook, my opponent has DeSean Jackson. No sweat, right? I’m now sitting here looking at that 25 point lead cut down to 1.3 points. Fucking Brian Fucking Westbrook…
Hmmm...I got nothin'...
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Um, last week I started McNabb over Brees. How's that for epic fantasy fail? This season is pretty decent for me but that was by far the loseriest thing I have ever done in my life. And I freaking know better. Dumbass.
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