If you’re like any red blooded football fan, by 8:00PM Sunday, February 7th, 2010 you’ll be sticky with wing sauce, slurring your words, and feeling up your sister…I mean…playing “Squares”.
I love Squares. It’s the perfect way to win money while paying attention to something else. You arbitrarily write your name on a grid of 100 squares, and then Lady Luck takes over, assigning you random numbers 0-9. It’s a beautiful thing. Well, I always find myself wondering, “OK, I got 2 & 5. Have I just wasted $5.00?”
Well, now I know. The answer is “Yes.” I went through every Super Bowl in the history of Super Bowls and created a squares cheat sheet to let you know immediately if you can say “Fuck!” or (in a Wooderson voice) “Alright alright alright!”
So, there have been 43 Super Bowls thus far, and at 4 quarters a game we’ve had 172 quarters of Squares. What you see above is how many times a Super Bowl quarter has landed on a given square. Pretty much if you land on a 5…you’re fucked. If you land on 5 & anything, you have a 4.7% chance of winning. 0 & 7 is your best bet. You’ve got a 12% chance to win money of you land there. Even better, if you land anywhere on the 7 column, you’ve got a 37.8% chance of winning at some point in the game. But, your best bet is if you have a 0, that gets you a 47.7% chance of winning. But, anyways, I could go on and on… Hopefully this will bring you some closure early on, so you can get back to drinking.