The playoffs are upon us and I like the ING report and Polish Powerhouse’s projections this week. Go Pack Go, man. I’m hoping that scenario happens and that they can beat the Saints too. That would be awesome. In 07-08 when the Packers almost made the Super Bowl until Favre threw his typical (and horrifying) interception giving the Giants the opportunity to win (and yes, Packer fans will always hold him accountable for that loss) , I was equal parts pissed off and delighted. My sister in law scheduled her wedding for Super Bowl weekend. Who does that? Really. I mean, she did marry a man, how did he allow that to happen? I would have had a nervous breakdown if I had to miss a Packer Super Bowl for her wedding. I threatened to stay home. Instead, I still had to listen to the game on the radio. Total suckage.

Now I get to watch two NFC North teams fight it out. Favre and A-Rodge will make the post season entertaining for me. I’m actually looking forward to most of the games other than this week. I hate the two in a rows. Boring. The playoffs are a time of delight and sadness for me. They’re fun and lead up to the ultimate showdown. They’re depressing because the end of the season draws near. I get restless with no football. They’re more fun when your favorite team still has a chance. Some of yours don’t, so let’s take a minute to mourn some of those who won’t be playing until next season.

The Detroit Lions: You know, it pains me to write about the Lions. I like the Lions. There. I said it. I know this goes against common sense as I am a fan of a rival NFC North team. It’s not like they pose any threat. My husband loves them as do all of my friends. I think I speak for most of the country when I say we kind of feel sorry for you and we cheer when you win (unless you are playing our team). Last year was funny and sad. This year was just sad. You don’t even get the first pick, and you actually played well. Matthew Stafford might end up okay eventually but he leads me to the debate – maybe it would be better to pay all rookies some sort of entry level salary before you start offering up ridiculous amounts of money for an unproven commodity. I’m just sayin.’ It rarely bodes well when you give some dude a guaranteed $41.7 million dollars and you have no idea how he can play in the NFL. Yes, he was great in college. So was Armchair’s famous Jim Sorgi. That is all.

The Chicago Bears: Okay, so I hear that Greenberg thinks that Jay Cutler is the Bears savior. Are you kidding me? You had one, dude. He is now playing for the Broncos. As I mentioned last week, even Brian Urlacher agrees with me. I’ll give you that win over the Vikings. That was badass, and almost totally fucked me over in my fantasy football league making me curse your name. Yeah I live in a place where the chant, “The Bears Still Suck” is frequently heard so yes, I am biased, I’ve never pretended to be anything else (don’t act all outraged; your hockey fans chant Detroit Sucks even when you are NOT PLAYING US). But Bears, you cannot lose 8 of your last 12 games and expect to be taken seriously. Two of your wins were to St. Lose and the Lions dudes. Yes, you would have had a much better season if you didn’t have some crucial injuries. You may also have had a better season with Rex Grossman.

The Pittsburgh Steelers: Big Ben must read Armchair Association because he was clean shaven this week. His team was also full of fail after a glorious season as Superbowl Champs. I’m glad I don’t have to see you on SI this year. Hopefully I don’t have to see Sidney Crosby there either, unless it’s this picture. Maybe this summer you will stay away from skanky psycho gold digging weirdos at your golf tournament/not crash your motorcycle and better luck next year.

The Tennessee Titans: Okay, I’m a snob. I don’t like expansion teams or teams that are relocated. It’s so lame. Not only were you once the Oilers, a team that wasn’t even in existence until 1960, you got relocated in 1997 and got your current name ten seasons ago. Super lame. Those first six weeks killed you, but Chris Johnson, you are a magnificent bastard. Vince Young, get some therapy dude, you ‘re not the only guy in the NFL with issues. Titans, you can be a powerhouse next season.

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers: I had to mention them, well, just because. I really have nothing against the Bucs and while a 3-13 season is painful, take comfort in the fact that you are not 2-30 in the last two seasons.

To everyone else – best of luck next year.

Be Sociable, Share!

• 

Hmmm...I got nothin'...