There’s a guy who has been registered on ArmAss for years as an author.  His name is Blastman.  He doesn’t write much ever, but quite often he’s hilarious.  This will be a new series of Instant Message conversations between he and I, since it’s hard to fit writing posts between irritating me at work and playing Playstation.

Blastman: did you see the nobody gets hurt like chipper jones  article?

Polish Powerhouse: No.  Where?

Blastman: http://sports.yahoo.com/fantasy/blog/roto_arcade/post/Chipper-Jones-injures-his-back-while-testing-his;_ylt=Agx_ltdzXBciEmO0VSdTNQ.5bZ8u?urn=fantasy,233655

Blastman: chipper jones injures his back while testing his other injury…..even I had to laugh

Polish Powerhouse: Then he pulled his hamstring while sitting down after straining his back while testing his oblique injury.

Blastman: then he farted and tore his rectum

Polish Powerhouse: Which made his eyes water, and he scratched his retna when he wiped them.

Blastman: 15 or 60 day DL?

Polish Powerhouse: Forceful retirement.

Blastman: they need a 780 day DL for chipper

Blastman: i guess this is finally the year that if Im going to have a brave…..im glad it’s not chipper

Polish Powerhouse: Maybe the Braves could create a position called Designated Orderly, a minor league player whose job it is to push Larry’s wheelchair.

Blastman: I prefer to think of him as stoic.

Blastman: an aging legend who sacrificed everything……like the catcher in major league

Blastman: or costner in bull durham

Polish Powerhouse: Can you really tell “stoic” through wraparound sun glasses?

Blastman: he’s chipper fucking costner dammit!

Polish Powerhouse: He’s Eddie Harris from Major League…

Blastman: heyward is cerrano after jobu healed his curveball

Blastman: Im pretty sure he juiced

Blastman: always suspected him

Blastman: when you see his early clips….even his first year with the braves…..totally different…even in the face

Polish Powerhouse: No doubt in my mind he’s juiced.  I told you that in 2007,.

Blastman: good thing the cubs have never had a juicer!

Blastman: not only did sammy juice…he’s WHITE now

Polish Powerhouse: You don’t have your best season in almost 10 years at the age of 35.

Polish Powerhouse: He goes by Sam now.

Polish Powerhouse: Sam Sosa, Esquire.

Blastman: well its a little suspicious that the 4 years he hit more than 34 HRs were  1998, 1999, 2000, 2001

Blastman: the peak of the steroid age

Polish Powerhouse: I was just looking at his career stats, I’m betting he started juicing in 1998.

Polish Powerhouse: Same time Bonds did.

Blastman: yeah

Polish Powerhouse: He jumped up to 45 HRs, then suddenly he stopped stealing 15-20 bases a year.

Blastman: 319  45    25sb

Polish Powerhouse: I noticed that with a lot of the juicers that were formerly “all-around” guys.

Blastman: wow…i wish i had been playing fantasyball then

Polish Powerhouse: When they go on the juice, their SBs drop off completely.

Blastman: thats a hell of a line….ARod type line

Blastman: when he was juicing

Polish Powerhouse: It reminds me of our conversation about “The Perfect World” where Bonds never juiced and Griffey never got injured.

Polish Powerhouse: That would’ve been epic.

Blastman: who wouldve hit more

Polish Powerhouse: That’s a good question.

Blastman: damn good one

Blastman: i really cant decide

Polish Powerhouse: I’d have to say Chipper.

Blastman: well this debate is just for bonds and griffey in that perfect world

Blastman: in the REAL world we both know heyward will hold the record by over 1500 HRs

Polish Powerhouse: In The Perfect World, Major League Baseball would be called Chipper’s Backyard Ho-Down.

Blastman: thered be 29 teams

Blastman: (no cubs)

Polish Powerhouse: You bastard.

Blastman: and i would move wrigley field to across the street from turner field’s right field……..but leave it rundown and abandoned…..to be a graveyard for heyward’s bombs

Polish Powerhouse: In The Perfect World, the Braves would’ve succumbed to pressure from Native Americans and they would’ve change their name to Georgia’s chief export, the Atlanta Peanuts.

Blastman: I could get behind the Nuts

Polish Powerhouse: Oh, I know you can get behind some nuts.

Blastman: hey-oh!

Blastman: washington vs atlanta     nats n nuts

Polish Powerhouse: That sounds like that outdoor gay bar-b-que you were planning.

Blastman: well it wouldnt have made money…..you can only count on Powerhouse to eat so much barbecue

Blastman: the slogan for the gay barbecue would be     Cum get our sauce on your face

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