By now you’ve heard about the Miami Dolphin’s GM, Jeff Ireland, asking Dez Bryant if his mother is or was ever a prostitute.  This was only a singular instance in a barrage of unflattering, stupid, and insulting questions players had to field.  We’ve gotten our hands on the fake transcripts from these interviews and present  to you the lengths NFL teams will go to break prospects down to a granular level for you drunken viewing enjoyment:

• Trent Williams – “Do you have any nicknames?”  “Ummm…not really.”  “Well, you need one.  What about The Great Black Menace?”  “Uh..no.”  “Blackzilla?”  “No.”  “The Human Gorilla?”  “Uh-uh”  “What about just ‘Silverback’?”  “Where’s my agent?”
• Russell Okung – “Wait a second…  Where’s the Asian?  Who are you?”
• Bryan Bulaga – “When you were a child, we understand your mother jumped in the air and got stuck…  Can you explain this to me?”
• Rolando McClain – “So, what’re you packing down there?  Come on.  Whip it out.  We’re all grown ups.  Look there’s mine…don’t be a baby!”
• Sam Bradford – “Did you cry when Bambi’s mother died?”  “Yes, but I was 6 (years old).”  “Pussy…”
• C.J. Spiller – “Who would you do?  John Madden or Pat Summerall?”
• Tim Tebow – “What terrifies you more?  Putting the back of your hands on your center’s taint or a vagina?”
• Earl Thomas – (Interviewer shakes Earl Thomas’ hand, then licks his fingers one by one.)
• Dan Williams – “Forgive me, I’m terrible with names, Mr. W-w-w-weeeeee…  W-w-whale…  I’m sorry, Doug.”
• Tyson Alualu – “Whoa…is that your sister?”  “Yes, sir.”  “Shit…does she put out?”

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