First off, let's recap. In the vein of Man vs. Wild and Survivorman, I went out and intentionally drafted a fantasy football team making so many of the mistakes people make during their draft every year. I will now show you how you can survive these situations and build a competitive team out of a mistake laden hodgepodge.

Finally, after two days of waiting it out, waivers expired on the remainder of the players. As I perused the waiver wire, I saw some nice pick ups, but nothing that stood up and shook me by the shoulders. Since this was the case, I felt good about risking losing some of the players I had my eye on rather than lose my nice waiver position (#3) picking up the likes of Tatum Bell and Muhsin Muhammad.

Sure enough, my plan worked. My theory going into it is that most people right after their draft, unless they are like me and drafted an awful team (or more than likely let Yahoo draft an awful team for them) people don't really make changes right off the bat. No matter how ugly a team is, much like parents and their children, the person who drafted that team is gonna think its great. Well, some kids are ugly and some teams suck out of the gates and it's obvious to everyone except for the parents and managers. Let them live in denial and take advantage of the situation to have your pick of the litter and plug any holes you may have due to too much beer, the girl in the short skirt bending over to get her smokes out of her purse, whatever... Just plug them holes!

So, that's what I did. There's no reason in the world to have two defenses, especially when I've got Baltimore. I spent such a high pick on them, you better damn well believe I'm gonna use them against everyone except on their bye week. There's no reason to have two tight ends either, not because I have such a great tight end, because I don't. Jason Witten will get you as many points per game as phone numbers received by screaming "WOOOOOOOO!" at a woman from a car window. So, I wish I didn't have to have ONE tight end, I certainly don't want TWO.

So, I dropped Oakland for Tatum Bell, not a great RB, but with Kevin Jones on the PUP list for at least 5 weeks, Tatum is just about all they have. He'll be a decent 4th RB for my team. I also dropped Eric Johnson for Muhsin Muhammad. As far as I'm aware, he's the number one receiver for the Bears. They may not have a great passing game with Rex, but he's a decent 4th WR for me as well.

As I was busy making waiver wire pick ups, I drew the attention of Zachman96. He was kind enough to offer me both Chad Pennington AND D.J. Hackett for Steve Smith and Eli Manning. I guess my team really would give off the impression that I don't know what I'm doing, but man, do I really sound THAT retarded? Sheesh! Needless to say, I rejected that one and countered back with Travis Henry, Eli Manning, and Devry Henderson for Reggie Bush, Tony Gonzalez, and Phillip Rivers. That was quickly rejected as well. Oh well... I have my Trading Block in order now, we'll see if I get any offers soon.

See you next time for Man vs. Poorly Drafted Team! Read more...

"ArmchairAssociation selected Steve Smith"
"Vicks Dog Fluffy: haha"

So, this is how it feels to draft like an idiot... I wound up with the 8th overall pick, and immediately drafted Steve Smith. Less than 2 seconds later, the manager with the wit, nay THE BRILLIANCE, to become the one-billionth fantasy team with a Vick reference in their name, rips on my pick. Awesome! I like where this is going...

Man, drafting an intentionally bad team is harder than it seems. I'm not saying that I'm so astoundingly good that failing is difficult or anything. It's just hard to look at a good name still on the board and make yourself take someone else.

Here's a breakdown of Team: ArmAss -

Round 1 - Steve Smith - I had his name pegged since the moment I saw I had the 8th pick. I've seen someone go WR in the first round in almost every draft I've been in, I just wanted to see what it was like.

Round 2 - Travis Henry - I screwed up on this pick. My intention going into this was to play the part of a Homer on top of everything else. I decided to go with the Saints because I hate the Saints. Reggie Bush was still on the board, but I think Travis Henry is the biggest bust waiting to happen this season so I opted for him.

Round 3 - Drew Brees - A true Saints homer would have taken Brees in the 1st or 2nd, I guess. But, I got him in the 3rd round. So, rock on.

Round 4 - Roy Williams - I had my sights set on a THIRD homer pick with Marques Colston, but of course the pick immediately before me grabbed him up and I got stuck with Williams. *Sigh* This team is looking better than I had hoped it would...

Round 5 - Edgerrin James - I think I waited long enough for my second RB. I usually have both in the first two rounds. I was pulling my hair out forcing myself to wait that long.

Round 6 - Baltimore DEF - You know when you're squeezing out a fart, and just as it's coming out you can feel solids charging the gates, so you clinch up, hope no one was watching, and run off to the bathroom for recon duty? That's what it was like drafting a defense in the 6th round for me, even if it was Baltimore.

Round 7 - Adam Vinatieri - Man! I kept waiting and waiting for a tight end rush like you always see so that I could get locked in to the tail end of it like I warn against. But, there's just no rush, so I did the next dumbest thing and drafted my kicker.

Round 8 - Jason Witten - Okay, so I can't wait for a tight end rush anymore. They'd all been hen pecked off the board, so I just took Witten because he is perennially overvalued.

Round 9 - Devry Henderson - It's the best I could do to put up my Homer front like I was hoping to.

Round 10 - Eli Manning - Time for some backups, and Eli sucks. In a real money situation I'd rather have herpes than Eli Manning, so perfect fit for this team. I hate him and would never draft him, but people everywhere think "this is his year". *fart*

Round 11 - LaMont Jordan - Ha ha ha!!! BARF! First and only Raider selected!

Round 12 - Shawne Merriman - Yeah, this league had an IDP spot. I don't normally play with one, so I didn't know how to draft for it anyway. The thing that attracted me to Merriman more than his brute skill on the field was the newsworthy story on SportsCenter about how Merriman decided that he would no longer do his spastic dance after tackles. They reported that on SportsCenter... I hate SportsCenter...

Round 13 - Drew Bennett - Okay, I cheated here. I love Drew Bennett this season. I think he's going to be a great value for everyone who grabbed him at the end of the draft. Sue me.

Round 14 - Eric Johnson - You know what I hate more than anything in fantasy football? Drafting two tight ends. But, when the opportunity to pose as a homer again arose, I jumped on it.

Round 15 - Oakland DEF - My brain screamed, "You have Baltimore! Why are you drafting Oakland, too?!" I hit it with a stapler on my desk and told it to pipe down.

So, there you have it. The Man vs. Poorly Drafted Team...uh...team, here to be known as Team: ArmAss. I think I did a good job drafting badly, now the gloves come off as waivers expires in 2 days and I take to the waiver wire quickly patching holes, building my shelter, and starting a fire. Because there's a storm on the horizon and if I don't get a fire going, this area is known for scorpions, rattlesnakes, and mountain lions and to them, I'm just another rung on the food chain. Read more...

Inspired by a couple of my favorite shows, Man vs. Wild and Survivorman, I was struck with an idea late last night. I've watched countless hours of my heroes Bear Grylls (try and tell me he's a fraud, you'll unleash a heated argument the likes of which you've never seen) and Les Stroud and I've seen them survive the most bleak situations (just try it, punk... I dare you!) with almost nothing.

So, I have one final fantasy football draft this afternoon. I have decided to chronicle my survival into some of Yahoo's harshest terrain, armed with little more than the fantasy football equivalent of a flint, a water bottle, and the clothes on my back. I will purposefully make the same mistakes that I have seen and heard that so many people make every day during the month of August.

As long as Yahoo! doesn't sabotage me with a top 4 or 5 pick, you will see me do such fantasy no-nos as drafting a wide receiver with my first pick, taking a tight end, kicker, and defense way too early, taking TWO tight ends and kickers, playing "homer" and picking multiple players from the same team, overvaluing mediocre running backs, and any other poor decision that I come across.

But, just like the episode of Survivorman where Les was to stay in the desert for a week and two days into his seven day tour, the desert turned overcast and rainy for the first time in a year, it will be possible for Yahoo to give me one of the first 3 or 4 picks over all. As much as I would love to take Steve Smith with that pick, I've been through several drafts this season and I've seen some REAL bonehead moves from some REAL knuckleheads, but I've never seen #1, #2, or #3 NOT end up being one of the Holy Trinity of running backs. Apparently, even the densest retard in the psych ward knows how to draft up until the 4th or 5th pick, so I will, too.

The draft begins at 12:00 PM CST today. Stay tuned each week as I show you how YOU can battle the elements after a terrible draft to successfully compete in your fantasy football league with little more than a flint, a water bottle, and the clothes on your back. Read more...

Did you ever get the feeling that Joey Harrington is constantly getting screwed? Like we like to do here at ArmAss, let's take a step back and look around. First the guy gets drafted by Detroit and is thrown right into the mess. We all know what happens next. Boom! Pow! Fail!

Well, after a little while of consistent failure, the Lions decide to shake things up a bit. They take the ball from Harrington, hand it to Mike McMahon, and hand Harrington a clipboard and a sideline cap. "Ooooo! Joey like! I get paid to stand here, hold this clipboard, and later on get laid for being Joey Harrington? WORD!"

Then, after McMahon plays well. Not great, but better than Harrington, and they say, "Bet that lit a fire under your ass! Now get out there and show us what we pay you for!" Joey quickly found that the ball weighs much more than a clipboard, and it was awkward. He didn't like the whole picking himself up off of the grass thing either. He never caught on and after four seasons of bad football, the Lions ushered in Jon Kitna.

This was great news for Harrington who caught on with the Miami Dolphins! YES! Awesome! Daunte Culpepper's a stud! Nobody replaces Daunte! Let me see, I got my headphones. Check! My clipboard. Check! Dolphins stadium cushion. Check!"

*SNAP!*

"What was that?!"

Suddenly, after thinking his dreams had been realized Harrington finds himself having to prove himself all over again. He politely swaps his sideline cap for a helmet and trudges out onto the field. "How come Cleo Lemon doesn't have to play?", Joey huffs... But, if he doesn't play, people won't keep paying him to NOT play when things work out like they're supposed to! Damn!

So, down goes another season of piss poor quarterbacking, and once again down goes Harrington to team number three: Atlanta.

"Ha ha! Michael Vick. Face of the team! Matt Schaub has been the king of clipboards for years! There's no way anything could happen to ruin my dream now!"

Oh shit...

Well, now poor Joey finds himself the starter, and on top of everything else even D.J. Shockley, Harrington's backup, is injured. It's all Harrington this season, like it or not.

Poor Joey. All he wants to do is find a nice sturdy quarterback to get behind, get paid, and fade into the shadows. Like Jim Sorgi. After pre-season, the only snaps he sees are as he's trying to figure out the rhythm to Jitterbug by Wham! from the bench. Now, that's the life. By normal standards Jim Sorgi's rich, and he does little more than watch a great football team from the best seat in the house. That's all Joey Harrington wants out of life. But, they keep making him "prove himself"! They keep making him play, and if they keep it up long enough he's going to ruin his chances when every team realizes how much he sucks and won't even hire him for the Jim Sorgi role.

Poor Joey... Read more...

Okay, okay...break it up. Everyone take a step back please! This is getting out of hand. Let's take a deep breath and look at this Michael Vick issue with a level head, please.

Sure, Michael Vick is fun to pile on. I mean, over the past few years he's furthered the spread of genital herpes under the pseudonym Ron Mexico, he's flipped off entire stadiums, he's failed drug tests, he's been busted with James Bond style pot concealing devices in an airport. Plus, when he's not getting in trouble, his brother was happy to pick up the slack for him. So, yeah, Charles Barkley may not want to be your child's role model, but even though Vick hasn't explicitly SAID so, I think you should scratch him off the list as well.

But, now the charge is dog fighting. Yeah...that's a nasty little underworld they got there. Now, maybe it's just because I'm from southern Alabama, but doesn't EVERYone at least KNOW someone involved in dogfighting? I mean, I remember seeing the kennel my uncle raised pit bulls in as a kid. Of course, when my mom spoke of it, she was shaking her head in disgust and telling me to stay away from his backyard.

When his little operation was inevitably broken up, he had to "take care of the animals" which in backwoods Alabama-speak means go tie your pit bulls to a tree and shoot them before they can get out and hurt anyone. The concern wasn't the welfare of the pit bulls, the concern was over such a collection of killing machines in one caged building.

So, what's the difference between my hillbilly uncle and Michael Vick? Why was my uncle's penalty to kill his own dogs before they could hurt someone, and Michael Vick's going to prison for long enough that his NFL career should be long over by the time he gets out.

It's race, right? Got to be! White people HATE it when black people have money. It's so...non-Manifest Destiny, right? Wrong. That's just silly. Maybe some white people hate that black people have money. I don't know. Some people are outrageously stupid, so I wouldn't be surprised. But, I feel pretty safe in saying that most white people are generally at least a little jealous of anyone who has more than they do, regardless of what color they are.

So, it's the money right? Nah, come on. I would almost guarantee that Vick is not the only current NFL player: white, black, or other, to be involved in dogfighting. I mean, dog fighting at it's most primal is about big dumb men getting together and coming up with creative ways to thump their chests and compare penis size. And I may be mistaken, but I'm pretty sure the NFL is full of big dumb men who like chest thumping. I'm sure they've probably found new hobbies since Vick's crucifixion and will be laying low on the topic for a while, kind of like the kids at the high school party hiding in the bushes watching their buddy get stuffed in the back of the police car. Guilty of the same drinking, but glad their parents won't be finding out tonight.

Okay, if it's not race and it's not money, what is it? It all comes down to two things: Personal status and being in the right place at the right time. For years Vick has been the person you love to hate. Admit it, you tried to go onto NFLshop.com and order a #7 Mexico jersey, only to find that you couldn't. He has done some stupid things for a person in his position, but then as soon as he'd flip off the whole stadium on the jumbo-tron, he'd run 60 yards untouched for a touchdown and all would be forgiven.

People were just waiting for him to screw up, just standing there holding the crucifix, pleading with him to screw up. Imagine if Barry Bonds slapped his kid after mouthing off tonight. BOOM! Dead. We, as the fanatical public, are just sitting idly by our new source of choice tapping our toe just waiting for our chance to help hammer in the nails. I mean, Ray Lewis may or may not have killed a dude. Michael Pittman tried to run his wife and kids off the road into a ditch with his Hummer. Somehow, that just makes them a just a little more badass. What's the difference?

That was their first offenses. Those were really first time blips on the Crucifixion Radar. But, Vick just kept appearing in people's news for too many reasons, and now they want his head. Kind of like a kid sitting on the sidewalk with a magnifying glass, one ant separates himself from the line and suddenly bursts into flames.

So, people, let's just calm down. It's not race. I truly believe that it is not. It's not just because he's an athlete. It was just too many dumb things back to back to back, he made himself a visible target and now he's stuck under a little kid's stick as he systematically removes his legs and burns him with a magnifying glass, just to see what happens. This isn't, as news reports would lead to believe, the worst thing that's ever happened in the world. This isn't even the worst thing that's ever happened in the NFL.

So, everyone calm down, be rational and let's act like people here. Put down the crucifix...but save the dunce cap and the stool in the corner, we're gonna need that. Read more...

Amidst a night standing on my deck, sipping a Newcastle under the stars with a buddy who talks way too loudly, regardless of his surroundings, a very interesting subject was breached. One that I had never thought of before. One that shook me to my core. One that sent me to my calculator...

On April 30th, 2001, Ken Griffey Jr. tore his left hamstring sending him to the disabled list. Over the next 7 seasons, The Kid has missed over 39% of Reds baseball due to time spent on the DL for various injuries, mostly hamstring related. But, what if he hadn't started down that vast cavernous hill of injuries? What if he just kept chugging along like The Kid a great deal of us grew up idolizing?

Ready for some stats?

From his rookie season in 1989 until his final relativly injury free season in 2000 (his first with Cincinnati), Ken Griffey Jr. had been at bat 6352 times. In those 6352 ABs, Junior had slugged 438 home runs. That works out to .06895 home runs per at bat in an average of 529 ABs per season.

In a perfect world, where smilin' Ken Griffey Jr. was healthy every day and patroling center for 7 more seasons to present day just like he was in the previous 12, let's see what his numbers would look like:

529 ABs per season over 7 more seasons with a HR every .06895 AB would come out to roughly 255 more home runs, giving Griffey a total (perfect world) tally of 693 career home runs in 2007. All of this at the ripe young age of 37.

Just to make things more interesting, why don't we look at Barry Bonds' numbers over his first 12 seasons (which incidentally end with 1997, the threshhold to the proverbial Steroid Era that you may or may not have heard about).

In Barry's first 12 seasons from 1986-1997, Barry Bonds had been to bat 6069 times and had hit 374 home runs. That works out to a home run every .06162 at bats with an average of 506 ABs per season.

Now, in our perfect world where Junior is healthy, happy, and smiling, Bonds is also free and clear of any post 1997 games of shadowy doubt and gigantic bionic arms. While we're creating perfect worlds, can we have old stadium names like Three Rivers and Candlestick, and Astrodome back please? You can give us the fans Monster.com tattoos and Safeco enemas, but please don't make us feel like such whores all the time by making us say things like Purina Meow Mix Park...sorry, different tirade.

Back on track. In a perfect world where Barry held true to his numbers generated by his first 12 seasons over the next 10 seasons to bring him into 2007, he should see 5060 more at bats. At a rate of one home run every .06162 ABs, he would crank 312 more over those 10 seasons, giving him a career (perfect world) tally of 686.

Wait... Are you telling me in this perfect world where Griff is healthy and Bonds hadn't cheated, they both would have legitimate coinciding shots at breaking Hank Aaron's record? Griffey vs. Bonds, neck and neck for legendary status? Good vs. Evil? Spy vs. Spy in real life?! My God! Can you imagine how electric baseball would be right now? Just thinking about what could have been makes the hair on my forearms stand up.

Alas, The Kid broke his leg and has valiantly stayed mobile enough to hold on to a Hall of Fame worthy career, albeit one without the Home Run Crown. And Barry Bonds did whatever he did or didn't do and now he has the record, and now the formerly most important record in sports is just another Wal-Mart bargain bin doo-dad waiting for A-Rod to take it from Bonds, and then Ryan Howard to take it from A-Rod...

Sigh...man... It could've been so awesome... Read more...

Corey Koehler and the FantasyFootballGoat.com rocks nuts! But, how does he compare to George Washington? He fails... Observe.

Read more...

Born Adam Jones, but nicknamed Pac-Man because he "eats up balls" (SNARF!), our little yellow ball eater has found quite a way for the relatively unmarketable position of defensive back to get a little camera time off the field. Let's face it, as necessary as the defensive back is in the game of football, unless your name is Deion Sanders there's a large portion of the population who don't know who you are. But, Pac-Man was thrust into our faces when, after throwing fistfuls of money in the air at a strip club, decided during the ensuing meelee that he would like his personal throwing money back. Well a gun fight followed, followed by a season-long suspension.

Well, our ball eating, ghost chaser tried to find ways to occupy himself with his newfound downtime. First, he tried to wrestle. But, of course, the fascist regime in Tennessee put the kibosh on that. So, instead, Pac-Man just got beat up by fake police onstage at the rasslin' match instead. Now, he did the only other logical move in occupying his time, while still staying on course to solidify his place in "Oh yeah...I remember that! Funny!" category of drunken half time conversations, he's recording a rap album.

Is it just me, or does this call for a celebratory athlete gone rapper retrospective?!

Shaquille O'Neil - Shaq Diesel: Shoot Pass Slam

Highlight - "Sharp as a dagger, call me Shaq Attack-a. I love Jim Valvano?, forget Jimmy Swaggart. I'm a mack, you better back off. I'll leave a bad taste in your mouth like boogers and coffee."

Tony Parker - Self Titled: Gametime

Highlight - The fact that it's a French rap album oughtta cover it... But if I had to choose it would be Tony Parker saying "Ton-yee P, NB-yay play-YUH!" and then something about a "Gyetto Blast-yuh" in a snooty French accent.

Ron Artest - My World: Haterz

Highlight - "I admit I used to smoke right before games. Had to ease the pain, in the brain, it was insane. Half time, hit the liquor store for a half pint."

Read more...

1. Thou shalt NOT honor your favorite team! Oh man, we see this every year in every league. Beantown yokels drafting every Patriot this side of Mel Gibson. Listen up, Chah-lee... Yes, the Patriots have a good shot of going to the Super Bowl this season, but drafting Tom Brady, Randy Moss, Donte Stallworth, and Lawrence Maroney on the same team will almost guarantee you a place among the guy who drafted Michael Vick and Kenny Irons. Don't do it.

2. Thou shalt have your money for the jackpot before you draft Don't be a jerk. You've known for months that this was coming up, have you money before you draft. No one wants to win their jackpot in installments for the duration of 2008, you cheap bastard.

3. Thou shalt not get TOO drunk prior to the 5th Round If you show up to your draft shitfaced, then God have mercy on your team. You thought alcohol made that fat, double-amputee look good at the bar, wait until you wake up and realize you drafted Tampa Bay's defense...in the first round (I've seen it happen before... Embarrassing!)

4. Thou shalt not get caught in the tight end rush It happens every year, and it will happen this year, too. In the 4th Round, someone will select Antonio Gates. Shortly afterward, someone will pick Tony Gonzalez. Then Todd Heap, and Shockey, and Vernon Davis...until next thing you know Marcus Pollard just got drafted in the 5th Round. After Todd Heap gets selected and you don't have a tight end...let it go, man...let it go...

5. Thou shalt keep track of EVERYONE'S picks It's hard to tell which is more irritating and more worthy of a hard thump to the ear, the guy who calls out Randy Moss' name in the 14th Round or the guy who calls out Tom Brady's name one pick after Brady's been selected. Either way, know who's been selected or else I grant the person whose player you're trying to take the right to give you a smack on the forehead.

6. Thou shalt not deliberate after the 10th Round Okay, Jimmy, listen up. Everybody's drunk, it's the 13th round, people need to pee and you've got your nose grinding on your 2007 RotoDestroyer Cheat Sheet scouring the 5th string receivers like Roydell Williams is going to solve your inadequacies. He's not. Quit stalling...

7. Thou shalt not select a kicker until the last two rounds I know Vinatieri is clutch, and WOW, Robbie Gould put on quite a show in the first half of the season last season. But, here's the jist, they're all essentially the same in the fantasy world.

8. Thou shalt not draft more than one kicker, tight end, or defense Do you really need Dallas Clark AND Bo Scaife? Both will get you 3 points a game and go relatively unnoticed all season long. Don't waste your draft picks on crap like that, you only need one of each and when their bye week comes along, drop your worst player, pick up a replacement, and drop him after the bye is over. It's simple. But, by doubling up those three positions, you're leaving 3 valuable position players on the board for your competition to grab.

9. Thou shalt not take a pee/smoke break until immediately after your pick "Where's Todd?" "He's taking a piss..." *Everyone leans back in their chair, takes a sip of beer, sighs deeply...* (Ten minutes later) "Hey guys...what? Is it my turn?" Yeah, Todd, it's your turn...FOR A WEDGIE!

10. Thou shalt not drag along spectators I know your wife won't let you out of the house without her, but if she isn't drafting, she needs to find something besides vulturing over the draft, occasionally looking at her watch and sipping on a Zima with a look on her face that says she can't believe what a bunch of nerds you all are. YES! We're all dorks, and you married one! Now go find a Scrubs marathon to watch and leave the nerds alone! Read more...

Okay, I conducted a little mock draft of sorts in my head to try and either prove or disprove the long standing belief that if you don't draft a running back in the first two rounds, your team will live amongst the rats in the cellar all season. I made one team have the #3 pick overall and the other team had the #10 pick overall. I only drafted starters and the scoring was done with Yahoo's default scoring format. Here are your rosters:

Pick #3's team:
QB - Tom Brady
WR - Lee Evans
WR - Braylon Edwards
WR - Jerricho Cotchery
RB - Larry Johnson
RB - Edgerrin James
TE - Chris Cooley
K - Jeff Wilkins
DEF - Steelers

Pick #10's team:
QB - Phillip Rivers
WR - Steve Smith
WR - Chad Johnson
WR - Mark Clayton
RB - Thomas Jones
RB - Julius Jones
TE - Antonio Gates
K - Nate Kaeding
DEF - Bears

With the first two picks on Team #3 (Pick #3 & #22) I selected RBs just as I almost always do. Team #3 wound up with Larry Johnson and Edgerrin James as it's two starting RBs right off the bat. I then followed those up with Tom Brady in the 3rd Round, Lee Evans in the 4th, Braylon Edwards in the 5th, and so on.

What started my whole thought process here was as I was trying to tell someone that it didn't matter WHAT crappy RB was left on the board with a late round pick, you HAVE to take Travis Henry in the first round. As those unfathomable words escaped my lips, I found myself doubting my entire existence. I followed that bit of advice myself last season, drafted LaMont Jordan in the first round with pick #12 and well, that was fun all season long. Plus, if I ever draft Travis Henry in the first round, I will officially turn in my card as a knowledgeable young man.

So, with pick #10, I decided to pass on Lawrence Maroney, his bum shoulder and his team's rejuvenated passing game, and Reggie Bush and draft a couple of top notch receivers. So, I drafted Steve Smith and Chad Johnson with Pick #10 and #15. I followed that up with the best RB remaining on the board Thomas Jones in the 3rd, Antonio Gates in the 4th, Julius Jones in the 5th, and went on to Phillip Rivers in the 6th (my sleeper QB of 2007).

Now we face the question: Which team, when faced head to head, do you think would win? Pick #3 or Pick #10?

Well, obviously, if the answer was what you think I would've just skipped this article all together and written some other self-indulgent drivvel. But, of course, the answer (according to 2007 Projected Points Per Game) is Team: Pick #10 with a score of 101.0 to 99.1 in a standard league.

So, what does this mean? My world is crumbling around me! Does this mean that I should draft a receiver with my 5th pick? Only if you enjoy being dominated by people not wearing leather. No, this trick should only be utilized when you're in a pinch and saying to yourself, "I HATE having to do this...but...Travis Henry..." That would come in the late picks of the first round.

The moral to this story is: Play it smart. If your choice is Willie Parker or Steve Smith, take Willie Parker. If your choice is Addai, Rudi Johnson, or even Brian Westbrook, TAKE THE RB! But, once you get to questionable territory where you feel uncomfortable and forced into making a pick, pick the QB or WR that scores you more points. Because, the fact is, the 10th ranked RB (Lawrence Maroney) scores 9.3 points per game (according to our projections) and the 25th ranked RB (Jamal Lewis) scores...guess what...9.3 points per game. Manning scores 20.7, Palmer scores 17.3, Steve Smith scores 13.0, and Chad Johnson scores 11.1.

So, contrary to popular opinion, swim against the tide. It may seem like you have to take LaMont Jordan or Travis Henry, but you don't. You will survive! Play it smart! Read more...

Well, here it is. Not only is Number 756 in the bag, but number 757 and number 758. We've had time to stomach the fall of the most hallowed record in sports, take a Zantac, unbuckle our pants, and now we can flush it's corn speckled remains into the murky depths.

Yes, the time leading up to 756 was a whirlwind of speculation and finger waggling, a proverbial dust storm of anxiety. Well, it's over now. Somehow all of the anger that was flaunted by Bonds antagonists was pacified by one simple thought, "A-Rod will break Bonds' record in seven years." Somehow, that made us all feel better.

I, for one, am just happy to see all of the hype over with. I will be happy to never see the "Road To 756" signs plastered over everything sports related, and was that REALLY an entire episode of Baseball Tonight dedicated to televising every single Barry Bonds home run? Disgusting.

But, even more exciting than the end of the perpetual Bonds fellating machine is the end of the Steroid Era as we know it. Will people still take steroids? Sure. Will they continue to taint the records that we hold dear? Of course! We just won't have to hear about it any more.

There's two reasons why the Steroid Era is dead:

1. Hank Aaron's record has been broken by Barry Bonds. People as a whole, mostly just like to bitch about impending problems. It's just like the cost of gas right now. After Katrina hit and prices started skyrocketing everyone was up in arms, "Rabble rabble rabble!" But, as they leveled out and remained stable at $2.75 a gallon, the complaining dissipated as well. As Bonds approached 755, arms were flailing, attacks were made. But, somehow, after 756 was hit, we all found that the sun still rose and we all had to go to work. This period of grace should continue until around 2012 or 2013 when Bonds is eligible for the Hall of Fame.

2. George Mitchell was just diagnosed with prostate cancer. Now, I'm not saying that this is some kind of conspiracy. No. I have only the best wishes for George Mitchell and his family. But, the timing of his diagnosis will provide just the kind of situation where the steroid investigation can slip through the cracks. Because I know the road to recovery is a long one, and it takes quite a toll on the person recovering. And since the main witch in the witch hunt has already done what we, the fans, had hoped Mitchell could stop, there's no need in continuing. So, they'll just let it fade into oblivion in hopes that no one brings it up again. But, if anyone does they'll say, "Oh that? Yeah, Neifi Perez was juiced and, ironically enough, the pitcher that served up 755. But, that's about all we could find."

No one seems to have a problem with Sosa or McGwire or Palmeiro or Giambi. Nope. They played the game with a smile on their face. The dream is over, Hammerin' Hank is officially #2 on the list, and if our calculations are correct, Alex Rodriguez should break Bonds' mark sometime around the All-Star Break 2014, pushing him to #3.

And somehow, that makes it all better... Read more...

When I first met my wife, you could line up a basketball, soccer ball, baseball, cheese sandwich, and football in a row and she could pick out the football 9 out of 10 times. Well, over the past 6 years, she's built on that success to where she can now correctly identify offensive formations, knows the difference between a fullback and a halfback, has been to the playoffs 3 times out of 6, and won one Super Bowl.

Needless to say, she's become a little full of herself and her magnificent progress. So, here's your chance to beat my wife. The name of the game is NFL Pick 'Em. Seventeen weeks of games with the spread. All of this through my site of choice, Yahoo! Sports.

I've reserved 50 spots for anyone to join up. This game is absolutely free, but anyone and everyone who successfully beats my wife after 17 weeks will win a free 2008 RotoDestroyer Fantasy Football Cheat Sheet (all your work done for you, a $5.99 value) plus the glory of beating my wife.

Here's how to go sign up for the league:

1. Create a Yahoo! ID, if you don't have one already.
2. Go here: http://football.fantasysports.yahoo.com/pickem/register/joinprivategroup
3. Type in Group ID#: 22574
4. Type in Password: blackeye
5. Customize your identity.

And that's it. You're done and ready to try and beat my wife. Good luck to everyone who plays! Remember, it's free, fun, and if you can successfully beat my wife after 17 weeks, you win a prize. What have you got to lose?

See you there! Read more...