I’m sitting here watching some of the most boring television I could imagine on MLB Network.  John Smoltz is playing golf against the five Phillies starters: Roy Halladay, Cliff Lee, Cole Hamels, Roy Oswalt, and….*fart*….Joe Blanton. They never let him talk and the only time I saw them show him on camera is when he [...]

When Randy Chiseltooth opened the newspaper today, he immediately spotted Daisy.  Long since missing, but hardly forgotten, Randy thought Daisy had gone on to that great pasture in the sky. “I always thought is were the aliens took her.”  Randy said, as he eased back in his recliner.  ”Turnt out she been running them Raiders [...]

Every week, I get the list of keywords that drives our audience to us. It’s one of my favorite emails to get, to see what off-the-wall things drive you people to the green glow of ArmAss. So, I decided to try and make a weekly log of it, or at least as often as I [...]

I just wanted to mention, I used to work with Wade McGilberry. He was as unremarkable as you might imagine… http://bit.ly/aofoWf #

Ex-NFL star Lawrence Taylor arrested in NY Yes, yes…  I’m getting bored of writing NFL rape articles, too.  I’m trying to work on the 2010 Rotodestroyer, dammit!  So, instead of writing, I just made some pretty pictures…  Talk to you soon with real football insight!

By now you’ve heard about the Miami Dolphin’s GM, Jeff Ireland, asking Dez Bryant if his mother is or was ever a prostitute.  This was only a singular instance in a barrage of unflattering, stupid, and insulting questions players had to field.  We’ve gotten our hands on the fake transcripts from these interviews and present  [...]