Ah, the morning after. It was a wonderful night. You ate, you drank, you had a fantastic time. Right now is the moment before you open your eyes when you’re still in the blissful state of grogginess, and suddenly a thought dawns on you. Now’s the time that you roll over to see what you brought home with you last night: the knock-out or the pig? You open your eyes…

There she lays sprawled out on your computer screen like a bag full of rotten potatoes. Oh my God…you brought home the pig!

There’s names like Jon Kitna, Ahman Green, and Koren Robinson…in your starting line up. Oh God! What did you do last night? First off, go take a shower. Wash the stink of a bad draft off of you as quickly as you can and burn your sheets. Let’s not speak of this again.

Now, we’ve got to worry about fixing this situation. An important thing to remember is, just like going to the bar or the nightclub, SOMEone’s got to bring home the pig. And for whatever reason, this time it was you. It happens to everyone at least once. But, what separates the guys who give in to a life of pigs, and the guys who brush themselves off and laugh off the whole mess, lies in what you do next.

More than likely, it’s not as bad as it seems. If you got to participate in the first round, you at least got one good player to work with. More than likely, you got a few. So, we have to focus on the good of the situation first. Let’s look at this position by position:

QB Situation – You somehow wound up with Jon Kitna and Billy Volek as your only QBs. Well, things aren’t as grim as you think. Fortunately, these are both guys with firm grips on the starting job at least for the first few weeks. The other thing that this tells me is that you bulked up other positions while everyone else was grabbing up the QBs, and this is good. So, here’s what you do: Look at the matchups. Jon Kitna and the Lions are facing Seattle in Week 1. Hmmm…Seattle’s got a pretty solid D. Ah, but Volek and the Titans are playing the Jets in Week 1! Score! The Jets have one of the lowest rated defenses in the league. So, you start Volek against the Jets in Week 1 and keep a CLOSE eye on the waiver wire. Did Charlie Frye throw for 400 yards in Week 1? Of course it would be against the Saints, but still 400 yards could mean something big regardless of who it’s against. So, what I’m saying is play the matchups with what you’ve got and keep your eyes on the free agent wire and be ready to pull the trigger the second a free agent shows signs of promise. You may have to hold out for two or three weeks before one of the free agents begins to really stand out, but one will. They always do. The important thing is, YOU have to be the one who grabs him up.

RB Situation – So, you beefed up on WRs and you wound up with Ahman Green, Chester Taylor, LenDale White, and Marion Barber. First off, if you have a solid top tier QB in conjunction with this group of miscreants, then you’re a lot better off than you think. If you’re sitting on Ahman Green and Chester Taylor with Jon Kitna as your starting QB, you’ve got trouble. The difference between this RB situation and the QB situation is that of these four RBs, only two of them are clear cut starters: Ahman Green and Chester Taylor. Now, on the bright side, let’s not forget that before last season Ahman Green was an unquestioned first rounder. He’s an injury risk now, sure. But, he’s always been. So, if he’s what you got…you could have worse. On top of that, while Chester Taylor won’t get you LaDanian Tomlinson style stats, he’s certainly no slouch. The biggest problem, however, with not having a couple of very good RBs is that there’s a 99% chance that there are NO good or even decent RBs left on the free agent wire as opposed to QBs where you can find 2-4 starting QBs at any time. So, here’s what you do. Stick with Ahman and Chester. You’re not going to get into first place with a tandem like that, but with careful planning you can work your way out of the jam. This is more of a situation for trades, than free agency pick ups. So, wait it out a few weeks, obviously, if any RBs on the free agent wire show promise, grab them. But, more than likely you’ll see some of your WRs show big numbers. I’d hope that if you shafted yourself out of starting RBs this badly, you at least have some wicked WRs. So, what you want to do is, after someone like Anquan Boldin has a great game in Week 1 against San Fran, work for the week trying to get someone to trade one of their RBs for Anquan straight up. But, Anquan is your only great WR? Don’t worry about it (well maybe you should…what exactly were you doing while the draft was going on?), great RBs score almost twice what great WRs score, good RBs score about the same. For instance, Kevin Jones and Anquan Boldin score about the same amount of points each game. So, if you can trade Anquan Boldin for Rudi Johnson, you’d better take it and go grab one of the WRs on the free agent wire.

WR Situation – So, you’re staring in the face of a WR corps that consists of Derrick Mason, Eddie Kennison, and Ernest Wilford. Let me start by saying, if your receiving corps looks like this, you’d better have a damned good QB and RB line up, or else you should leave your home address with our receptionist so we can have someone come out give you a wedgie. Secondly, for a receiving corps, that’s not all that bad. This is probably the best situation you could be in, actually, because it will give you the longest period of time to rectify the situation. Fortunately, this is also the EASIEST situation to rectify. Every year there’s four or five WRs who start out on the free agent wire who become viable WR solutions within a few weeks. Case in point: Terry Glenn, Nate Burleson, Lee Evans, Donte Stallworth, Drew Bennett, and blah blah blah… So, if your WR corps is your biggest nightmare, chin up, Chrissy, there’s starving people in Ethiopia.

TE, K, DEF Situation – If you ran into this situation of your own volition, then you make bunnies cry. If you ran into this situation because you let Yahoo do your draft for you, reevaluate your life. Is your honeymoon REALLY more important than your fantasy football draft? Of course not. According to statistics, it’s not like you won’t have a chance for another one, right? As a matter of fact, attending your fantasy draft COULD even expedite that situation. Regardless, you now find yourself staring at two TEs, two Ks, and two DEFs. The solution is so simple, you don’t even need my help. Drop the worst one at each position. Do not carry two of any of these guys. It’s wasted space, if for no other reason than you could be holding onto someone who another manager is starting, were it not for your insatiable need for both Dallas Clark AND Jermaine Wiggins to be on your team. So, get to dropping this extra weight before you sink your ship at the boat launch.

So, you see, no team is beyond repair in this crazy addiction we call Fantasy Football. The hardest part, sometimes, is knowing that your team sucks. It’s kind of like how ugly people don’t always know they’re ugly. Just like your children, every one thinks their team is the best. For the health of your wager, do yourself a favor and take a step back and look at it from the perspective of your buddies. That team you brought home with you last night is a pig. Rectify the situation, or you might as well go ahead and name your team “The Moped” if you know what I mean.

Labels: fantasy draft, fantasy football, fantasy nfl, football, football draft, free agency

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Well, here we are once again, those two weeks of your life where you are now the most knowledgeable person on the face of the planet when it comes to Fantasy Football. If you’re reading this now and thinking, “Great! Where was this article LAST week?” then keep read this article for next year, because the next sentence will give you great insight into Fantasy Football. Never ever draft before the second half of August. The week before the season starts is ideal, but the third week in August will do fine as well. People who draft in July and early August are playing Russian Roulette. How do you think Clinton Portis owners feel right now? They wish THEY were drafting this weekend…

So, there’s your first little tidbit of knowledge. If you’ve already drafted this season, then you have room to improve. Now, for those of you who have been chewing through your pencils, waiting on the end of August for your draft like a good boy or girl, I’ve got some strategizin’ for you! For uniformity sake, I’m going to use Yahoo! standard format as the scoring configuration, you can figure it out from there.

The First Round – Okay, here it is, the first round, and what do you do? WHAT DO YOU DO?! If you have the first pick, well I hate the first pick, but you have to go with Larry Johnson. His projected numbers are sick. So, that’s just it. With the second and third pick, you’ve got either Shawn Alexander or LaDanian Tomlinson. Which ever one is gone when your pick comes up, take the other one.. You can’t lose. Now that the obvious is out of the way, what about the rest of you? You’ve got to take an RB, right? Not so fast, wacky. People get lost in the run on first round RBs sometimes and end up taking Willis McGahee in the first round, and that’s just retarded. If there’s anything we learned last season it’s that RBs are going to committees more and more, whereas QBs are the guys who play every down.

Let’s look at this as well, in a standard Yahoo Scoring league, the Top 10 RBs ranked average a total of 9.3 Fantasy Points Per Game. The Top 10 QBs average a total of 12.9 Fantasy Points Per Game. So, why is it so important to grab one of the holy trinity of RBs? Because the Top 3 average 12.47 Fantasy Points Per Game, and the other 7 average 7.94. Kind of a large drop off…

The Top 3 QBs average 14.3, while the other 7 average 12.4. Not much difference there. So, now you understand why you should take the holy trinity and then Peyton Manning and then move on to the best available player.

Does that include WRs? Please, not in the first round. Unless you’re in a Points Per Reception league, wide receivers aren’t all they’re cracked up to be. The Top 10 average 7.7 Fantasy Points Per Game and 11 through 30 average 5.5 Fantasy Points Per Game. This means that a wide receiver is a wide receiver is a wide receiver. So, don’t be the guy who says, “Ha ha! T.O. in the first round! SNAP!” Because everyone will laugh at you as you miss the playoffs with a shoddy RB corps or Byron Leftwich as your starting QB.

The Second Round – Now is where you have a decision to make. What did you take last round? If you took a QB, then these next two rounds MUST be focused on RBs. Even if that means taking Corey Dillon in the 3rd round. Because you have to find two solid RBs that will play at least the majority of each game, and there probably aren’t many of them left.

If you took a RB in the first round, then you get the choice of QB or RB. You should be able to get Tom Brady or Carson Palmer (assuming he’s all better) or the like early in the 2nd Round, and that would be a fantastic pick. But, the run on RBs is not finished. People LOVE to get their two starting RBs in the first two rounds, and while it’s not always the best strategy, it IS a pain in the ass for everyone else and it forces you to draft a RB before you were ready.

So, if you took an RB in the first round and Brady is available, take him. If the Top 3 QBs are gone by your pick, you’d be better off taking your second RB and grabbing a QB like Jake Plummer or Drew Brees in the 3rd Round.

Can you draft a WR yet? I wouldn’t. But the temptation to grab a Top 3 WR at this pick can be tough. Wait it out until the 3rd round, or sometimes you’d even be surprised who’s left at the 4th Round.

The Third Round – Now you should either have your two starting RBs or a great RB and QB. If you have two RBs, you should probably draft a QB now. However, if you have an RB and a QB, you MUST draft an RB now. If you don’t take your second RB now, you’ll be stuck with Samkon Gado as your #2 back, and that’s not Good Eats…

Can you draft a WR yet? Yeah, go ahead if you feel nasty. But, only if you took care of your two RBs. At this point, though, if you skip out on a QB, you might as well wait until the 5th Round for a QB, because they’ll all be about the same from this point on. But, I still don’t recommend it. The Top 25 QBs average 11.1 Fantasy Points Per Game, the Top 25 WRs only average 6.5 Fantasy Points Per Game. That’s a big difference. For instance, did you realize that Randy Moss averages about 8.8 Fantasy Points Per Game over the past 3 seasons. You know which QB has averaged 8.1 Fantasy Points Per Game? Joey Harrington. YEP! Joey Harrington. So, who are you going to pick? Especially when you can get Derrick Mason’s 5.9 Fantasy Points Per Game in like the 7th or 8th Round.

The Fourth Round – If you were me, you’d have a QB and two RBs now, an early stronghold on the championship, and a Pabst buzz. Now’s the time to draft a WR. Go ahead. It’s time…unless… Is Antonio Gates still out there? Now wouldn’t be that bad of a time to grab him. I know, I know… He only averages 6.0 Fantasy Points Per Game, but do you know what Shockey (the overall #2 TE ranked) averages? 4.9. And it only goes down from there (sans Tony Gonzalez, who is getting older and I would recommend in the 5th, but not in the 4th). Number 6 on the TE list averages 3.8. After Gates, Shockey, and Gonzo are gone, just wait until the 10th, 11th, or even 12th Round for a TE, because there’s no point. The Top 5 TEs average 5.0 Fantasy Points Per Game, and the next 10 average 2.8. 2.8!

It’s all about value. Gates is worth almost double what number 6 on the list is. The WRs that will be left on the list will just about all be worth the same. If you can get Gates now, grab him. If you can’t, go WR all day long.

The Fifth Round – Go WR again, my boy! However, if Gonzo or Shockey are calling your name too loudly, no one will really laugh at you. But, here’s the danger that you’ll see about this time: The Dreaded TE Run! Do not get sucked under by this wave. Gates will go, then someone will draft Gonzo, then someone will draft Shockey back to back to back. Oh no! All the TEs will be gone soon! Suddenly, some idiot’s found himself with Randy McMichael in the 5th Round. Laugh at that guy, and make sure his money is safely stowed away.

The bottom line, as I said before, is if Gates, Gonzo, and Shockey are gone, just forget about TE, they’re actually the most worthless position on your team. If they’re gone, go WR all day long….unless… Unless, of course, somehow someone like Cedric Benson or Jospeh Addai has slipped through the cracks. It is perfectly acceptable to go ahead and draft a bench RB before your starting WR corps is complete. But, only if it’s a can’t pass type of RB. Don’t forgo Laveranues Coles for Kevan Barlow. It’s all about who’s the best value you for your pick, and that’s where the VBD that we’ve got in our draft kit comes in handy. <- Plug!

The Rest – Well, the most important rounds are past you now. Now you can start focusing on your beer a little closer, order some wings, whatever. A few more tidbits on what to focus on are: here’s your last three rounds. K, TE, DEF. I don’t care what order you take them in, but do not take a DEF or a K before the last three rounds. There’s no point. Adam Vinatieri averages 7.8 Fantasy Points Per Game, Billy Cundiff averages 6.5. The Chicago Bears Defense averages 8.2 Fantasy Points Per Game, the San Francisco 49ers average 6.8. And if you were smart you would cycle your defensive units all season long and play the matchups instead of sticking with someone like Chicago all season long, regardless of who they play.

Which brings me to another point, do not draft more than one K, TE, or DEF. There are so many other point earners out there than Jermaine Wiggins’ 2.3 Fantasy Points Per Game. If you double up on any of those positions I will be disappointed in you, and you don’t want to hurt MY feelings do you? No way!

ALSO! There is no shame in taking someone just because you know your buddy wants them. Say you already have 4 RBs toward the end of the draft and you see Jospeh Addai sitting there, and your buddy with the inside out Edgerrin James Colts jersey is sitting there with wing sauce all over his goofy grin waiting on you to pick... grab Addai! This does two things, Addai will be a great RB, so it solidifies your RB corps and gives you potential trade bait, and it REALLY pisses off your buddy, which is why you’re buddies in the first place, right?

So, use your brain when you pick. Don’t be loyal to your favorite team. Don’t follow a strict regimen when picking, just get the best value for your pick and you will win your championship and the heart of Bob in accounting who’s always thought you were just a little TOO interesting…

Good luck to my friends, and stomach flu to my opponents!

Labels: fantasy draft, fantasy football, football, football draft

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Here it is, Draft Day. The day that NFL fans all over the place look forward to as soon as the final play of the Super Bowl goes down. So, in order to spearhead RotoDestroyer’s journalistic integrity, I will be conducting a real time article over the course of the entire draft. This will include the drunken rambling that comes with the way we roll:

1. Houston Texans – Mario Williams DE/NC State - Nice, even though the Texans signed Mario last night, they still took five minutes to make the call. What were they doing back there? Stocking their cooler? And why is Michael Irvin so freakin’ pissed off about this pick? It’s a good thing no one takes Irvin seriously. He could make a lap dance unbearable…

2. New Orleans Saints – Reggie Bush RB/USC – Wow. I thought for sure they’d trade this pick. I think I could hear Duece McAllister calling his agent from my living room. And is it just me or does Reggie look a little less than excited about going to New Orleans? This is going to be huge, now I’m looking forward to going to some Saints games for another reason than just to make fun of the Saints fans.

3. Tennesee Titans – Vince Young QB/Texas – First off, YOU GO JETS FANS. Those guys are friggin’ nuts. They’ll boo anyone and freak out over anything. I can’t imagine Vince Young coming right into the league and producing. On paper he sounds good, but look at Michael Vick’s past two seasons. Exactly. Vince Young’s career and selection place is all based on one game. Good for Vince Young, bad for the Titans.

Side note – Who is more smug? Steve Young or Mel Kiper Jr.? Steve Young has the benefit of a wacky religion to be smug about. But, I think Mel Kiper Jr. edges him out with an overinflated feeling of self worth and hair that comes from a Ronco Products Hair Mold.

Side note – Wake up, Matt Leinart… *Hunhh HUH?! Leinart thirsty!

Side note – Can you imagine Michael Irvin’s blinged out team if HE was actually in charge? The Irvin Crunk… Good thing he’s just sitting on the sidelines and jabbering like an idiot rather than actually in charge.

4. New York Jets – D’Brickashaw Ferguson OT/Virginia – An excellent selection for the Jets. If there’s ANYTHING they need on their team besides a back up for Old Man Curtis is a bodyguard for Pennington and Ramsey. And if anyone in the NFL reminds me of Whitney Houston…I’m looking at Chad Pennington.

Side note – Who exactly is Under Armour advertising to? The average fat guy like myself sitting around with a beer and a sandwich watching the draft and fantasizing? If I buy some of their leotards will they quit flexing in my face? Click clack…shut up…

5. Green Bay Packers – A.J. Hawk LB/Ohio State – This has been the Packer’s choice since the college season ended. He’s an amazing linebacker with a straight up rock and roll name. They desperately needed help there and they got it. Good for the Pack.

Side note – How about the Matt “Superstar” Leinart ads with the sun shades and the leather jacket and the slicked hair and the crappy Nickelback crap. ESPN seems to be desperately trying to sell him to anyone. WHAT IN THE HELL IS VERNON DAVIS CRYING ABOUT?! Is he the next Cedric Benson? Are we about to hear another rambling boo-hoo sob story?

6. San Francisco 49ers – Vernon Davis TE/Maryland – The best tight end in years, bawling like a baby. Are the 49ers holding his grandmother hostage? Why the tears Vernon? You knew you were gonna be drafted. We all had a good idea it’d be the 49ers that would do it. So, they can’t be tears of surprise. Maybe his mother told him that she wouldn’t love him any more if he played for San Fran. Well, anyways, good for San Francisco. He’s the man, despite the tears.

7. Oakland Raiders – Michael Huff S/Texas - Well, their first mistake was signing Aaron Brooks. Their second mistake was not drafting someone to take his place when he continues to be one of the most frustratingly bad quarterbacks in the league today. But, they say Michael Huff is a good DB and the Raiders are such a terrible defense…you know, whatever…

Side note – Beer #2 is complete. My wife is solid gold, she just took the kids out so that I can drink, watch football nerdery, and write about it.

8. Buffalo Bills – Donte Whitner S/Ohio State – Okay, I’m not going pretend that I know anything about Donte Whitner. But, something I’ve noticed is that Michael Irvin hasn’t said ANYTHING since the first pick. Could I not be the only one who doesn’t know anything about Donte Whitner?

Side note – Tom Condon is a greasy sleezy looking used car salesman. HA! He got done with the interview, smile vanished and the vulture look replaced everything. “I hate talking to women…Condon KILL!”

9. Detroit Lions – Ernie Sims – LB/Florida State – This is a breath of fresh air for the Lions. They’ve been on the cusp of having a not quite great defense, but Sims is going to REALLY tie the room together. They haven’t had a great LB since Chris Claiborne. Should be good for them…

Side note – I’m officially beginng to get drunk.

10. Arizona Cardinals – Matt Leinart QB/USC – That was FAST! Man, seriously…WATCH OUT NFC West.. Arizona is the team to beat. Forget about Seattle. Leinart, Edge, Bolden, Fitzgerald? Man, seriously, Arizona fans are friggin’ melting down right now.

Side note – Click Clack
Side note – Denver trades with St. Louis for 15th and 68th overall

11. Denver Broncos – Jay Cutler QB/Vanderbilt – First off, Jay Cutler, while he may be “the best quarterback in the draft”, he looks like a douchebag. Get a haircut, you friggin’ fifth Beatle. I’m all for long hair, beards, dreads, whatever. Bowl cuts, however, are against the law. Good pick for Denver, though. Jake Plummer’s probably bummed after a decent season, but they gotta look forward to the future.

Side note – Steve Young must’ve heard my smug comment, because he’s desperately trying to pass ol’ Kiper with comments like “let me remind you that I went on record on ESPN about Cutler”. Yeah, we got it, you’re a genius….

Side note – Baltimore trades with Celevland for 13th overall and a 6th Rounder.

12. Baltimore Ravens – Haloti Ngata DT/Oregon – This guy is roughly the size of a cow. A poisonous cow with lasers that shoot from his horns and kill offensive linemen. Even though their defense SHOULD be top notch, Kyle Boller will keep the Ravens out of contention for the year. The Ravens will now officially be impossible to run against though.

Side note – Beer #3 VANQUISHED!
Side note – Ouch…the film they just showed of Ngata was pretty sad. I retract my laser beams in the horns statement. But, he’s still a cow. HA HA HA! The Haloti interview was fantastic. “Haloti, what can you say about coaches saying you take plays off?” “Well, I’m just blessed..” **WOOOOOOOOOO!!!** “…this is my team…” **WOOOOOOOOOO!!!!**
Side note – Suzie Colber, I wanna kiss you…

13. Cleveland Browns – Kamerion Wimbley DE/Florida State – Solid player, rarely hurt despite a brief injury stint. Frankly the Browns’ defensive line sucks. So, he ought to be possibly the best pick these guys have made since before they left for Baltimore.

14. Philadelphia Eagles – Brodrick Bunkley DT/Florida State – Seriously, holy s**t. Bench pressing 225 pounds 44 times? This guy is going to kill people. Wow. That guys arms look like pythons that ate six pumpkins. Good call, Philly. I still hate you, but good call all the same.

Side note – Beer #4 out the door!

15. St. Louis Rams – Tye Hill CB/Clemson – A five foot, nine inch corner back? Good luck with all THAT, St. Louis. Yeah, I know about the Senior Bowl, I live in Mobile. But, you can’t be fooled by one game. Sure Spud Webb was fun to watch, but that didn’t make him a perennial threat. Tye Hill = wasted pick.

Side note – Man, seriously, two things are about to make me go Elvis on my television screen this afternoon. Click clack and these pimp superstar promos for these college athletes. Jay Cutler as a cowboy pimp? Reggie Bush looking like a bigger player than Andre 3000 from Outkast? Matt Leinart looking like Snake from Escape From LA? Lame.

16. Miami Dolphins – Jason Allen CB/Tennesee – One of their major holes has been filled. Plus, his mother was freaking out in a world class way. He didn’t seem to pumped about it, but I think his momma is excited about meeting Jason Taylor (he’s so dreamy!) I think this guy is a top notch defensive back, but his mother’s got a better vertical leap.

17. Minnesota Vikings – Chad Greenway LB/Iowa – Sorry, I’ve never even heard anything about this guy. But, I can tell you that I need to pee.

18. Dallas Cowboys – Bobby Carpenter LB/Ohio State – Should be a tough defensive addition for the Cowboys, but I think they probably should’ve looked to an offensive tackle, considering their left tackle has never started a game. But, who am I to question the Big Tuna?

Side note – Beer #5 down the hatch.

19. San Diego Chargers – Antonio Cromartie CB/Florida State – The fourth Florida State defensive player taken in the first round is the craziest. He didn’t play the at all last season with a knee injury. The Chargers already have some pretty good DBs in Jammer and Jue. If there had’ve been a wide receiver worth a crap, they could’ve SURE used some of that. But, maybe Chad Jackson could’ve still been the better pick.

Side note – I’m getting pretty drunk now. Congratulations for me. I have to wonder if Cromartie’s family is “experiencing financial difficulties because of the pimp suit he’s wearing to the draft…
Side note – I saw a homeless guy walking down the street wearing a fez today. That has nothing to do with football, but I just wanted to mention it.

20. Kansas City Chiefs - Tamba Hali DE/Penn State – This guy kills. Watch the film on him. Seriously. He’s a quarterback exterminator. It may not translate all the way to the NFL, but this guy is a great pick.

Side note – Watching the Tamba Hali story after the pick. Wow, this guy has a hard life story. Jesus, he was this close to becoming a soldier in the Liberian Army and fighting in the civil war over there. And he’s playing so that his momma can come to America? Forget it, I feel bad for every QB to come into contact with this guy. Consider yourself dead.

21. New England Patriots – Lawrence Maroney – Wait… What? What about DeAngelo Williams? What about LenDale White? I don’t feel like I should be second guessing a football genius like Bill Belichick, but, Really? I don’t like it.

22. San Francisco 49ers – Manny Lawson DE/NC State – Chalk up a good draft to the 49ers. But, I feel like these guys won’t have a chance to compete for at least three years. They’ll be in the game, but their team is terrible. No offense at all. No defense at all. They’re making strides in the right direction, but you can only do so much in the the time between seasons.

Side note – Oh man, I’d love it if the Bucs could get Winston Justice. Solicitation of prostitution? Brandishing a FAKE firearm? So…what… It’s better than Michael Pittman’s love of playing bumper Humvees with his wife and infant child. I’m sold…pull the trigger.

23. Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Davin Joseph G/Oklahoma – WHAT?! Boooooo… I don’t like it. I don’t want to talk about it.

24. Cincinatti Bengals – Johnathan Joseph CB/South Carolina – With Deltha O’Neil as their best defensiveve back, the Bengals could have chosen anything anywhere in the defensive spectrum and still made a good enough choice.

Side note – Beer number something. Six maybe? Drunkedness is ensuing. I just checked, it’s six.
Side note – Pittsburgh trades with New York

25. Pittsburgh Steelers – Santonio Holmes WR/Ohio State – Great great great choice of picks. He’s interchangeable as the best WR in the draft with Chad Jackson. Hines Ward now has a new counterpart to play with once Cedrick Wilson falls off the map like he did in San Fran. Great pick, Pittsburgh.

Side note – Buffalo trades with Chicago

26. Buffalo Bills – John McCargo DT/NC State – Uh… Buffalo? Are you guys letting the chick from Major League draft for you? I know it’s not a large market team, and Los Angeles is chomping at the bit. But, come on, this guy is a late second, early third rounder. Buffalo has lost their minds.

27. Carolina Panthers – DeAngelo Williams RB/Memphis – This is the best pick since the top 5. Fantastic fit with the team. Fills a void that Stephen Davis and DeShaun Foster have left behind with old age and injuries. Fantastic pick. I can’t praise them enough for grabbing him when they did.

28. Jacksonville Jaguars – Marcedes Lewis TE/UCLA – This is a huge upgrade from Kyle Brady. Great choice from what was left. Now Byron Leftwich can have another target whose name isn’t Jimmy Smith. Great choice.

Side note – One more beer before the end of the first round.

29. New York Jets – Nick Mangold C/Ohio State – Great choice for the Jets who lost Kevin Mawae to free agency. The best part of that pick? Either the Jets fans nearly hanging from the rafters and humping each other or that Mangold’s mom leapt on top of him and blocked him from camera’s view for nearly the entire shot.

30. Indianapolis Colts – Joseph Addai RB/LSU – Dominic Rhodes just threw his remote control across the room. This guy’s a stud for sure. A 4.4 40? Forget about it. We’ll see Rhodes for a few games, but that’ll probably do it.

Side note – I love the McDonald’s commercial where the hot chick is walking by and all the dudes are eating McDonalds and she walks by and they see her kid and they all give a “Phew! Dodged THAT bullet!” look knowing that they don’t want any of that noise. Because EVERYONE knows avoid chicks with babies at all cost, and McDonald’s is all like, “WORD!”
Side note – I love any athlete who uses the third person. It’s like spotting a mullet. Every time I hear LenDale White say “LenDale White” it makes me smile like I just spotted a feathered mullet with a rat tail.

31. Seattle Seahawks – Kelly Jennings CB/Miami – Unnecessary pick. Their defensive backs are fine. But with all the picking of the defensive backs going on, who can blame them? I’m not happy with the pick, but I don’t really care either, because the Seahawks are possibly one of the most boring teams in the NFL.

32. New York Giants – Mathias Kiwanuka – DE/Boston College – Pretty good pick there. A guy who can play on the other side of Strahan and learn from him as he goes along. His grandfather was the president of the Uganda. He wears a tattoo of the Ugandan Presidential Seal to commemorate the fact that his grandfather was tortured and killed during his presidency. Wow. What’s Strahan’s story again? Oh, right, not nearly as interesting, just something about gapped teeth and Favre fainting at the sight of him to give him a record. Right. You go, Kiwanuka!

There’s your first round. Paul Tagliabue is gone. I’m pretty drunk, but I’ve tried to maintain my journalistic integrity (look I can still spell it! That you Microsoft spell check!) and maintain a different look at the draft. Good day to you fools, I’m going to light the grill and get the margarita machine purring and ready for the rest of the party.

Labels: football draft, jospeh addai, nfl, nfl draft, reggie bush

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