So, here we are again. The day that makes Vidal Sassoon their commissions as interns spend weeks slathering on hair gel and industrial grade sealants to Kiper's hair helmet in preperation for today. I have cracked open a bottle on Absinthe that I got from a friend for Christmas. The Green Fairy is what they call it in France. I call it some licorice smelling anti-freeze. It tastes as bad as it smells. But, it was a gift, and it was the drink of such dignitaries as Edgar Allen Poe, Vincent Van Gogh, and Oscar Wilde. So, prepare yourselves for some poetic, esoteric, drunken masterwork right here... TODAY!

Plus, if the absinthe doesn't work, I've got a 12 pack of High Life to fall back on. Here we go, here comes Chris "Deux Deux Deux" Berman.

Side note: There's been a little noise about moving the draft amongst other cities every year. I hope they don't Jets fans are some of the most photogenic degenerates in the world.

#1 Pick: Miami Dolphins - Jake Long - OT, Michigan: Is anyone else getting the feeling that we're seeing another Robert Gallery here? The Dolphins need help in the O-Line, and Jake Long is very good and all.... I just don't see him being the dominant force that the Dolphins do. But, that could very well be why I'm sitting in a La-Z-Boy pretending I'm waxing philosophical behind a keyboard and not making $57 million dollar decisions.

Side note: I hate the fact that I've known the first two picks since this morning. It's like knowing the final score before you watch the game.

Side note: Chris Young, Steve? Ha ha ha! Tired of your own sissy kids? Steve Young just had a jealous slip and called Chris Long, Chris Young.

Side note: This absinthe is just awful. I'd better start hallucinating soon like they say you're supposed to.

Side note: That damn Mrs. Long. Turn off your phone and stop scaring the talent!

#2 Pick: St. Louis Rams - Chris Long - DE, Virginia - I hate the Raiders, but I also really hate THIS for the Raiders. He should have fallen to them to continue legacy. But, between he and Adam Carriker they should make some wicked stops, but if their offense is going to continue playing like a bunch of hobbled old men, it's gonna be a long year.

Side note: Does anyone's mics work or are they just ignoring Deux Deux Deux? He keeps talking and they keep looking at their twiddling thumbs...

Side note: To start a new Rachel Nichols? One is enough, unless you set them off in a cage match and let them peck each others eyes out with their noses.

Side note: As bad as this shit tastes, I'm already a little drunk...

#3 Pick: Atlanta Falcons - Matt Ryan - QB, Boston College - I know that everyone loves to talk about what a franchise quarterback Matt Ryan is. He's going to make everyone forget Michael Vick! He's going to take the Falcons all the way! He's going to outlaw fat girls wearing "Sexy Princess" t-shirts! Quarterbacks just don't come in and rule the world. Whatever. People LOVE getting excited about high pick QBs, but the only thing they love more is ragging on them when they don't pan out. That being said, I'm not nearly as excited about him as everyone else.

Side note: I really hate Corona commercials. I don't buy it BECAUSE if their commercials, well, that and it tastes like overpriced Miller Lite.

#4 Pick: Oakland Raiders - Darren McFadden - RB, Arkansas - Are the Jets faithful cheering? Sounds to me like the Raiders have some copycatting in the works this season with a Fargas/McFadden combo. They've got a relatively young dark horse going on here. I think it might be time to start worrying about the Raiders.

Side note: McFadden's mom is a recovering crack addict?! Ummmm...she looks a little wasted right now. And I know wasted.

Side note: I HATE that the first 5 picks have almost been predetermined. We knew WHO they were going to be, just not which order. So, now we won't get any great Aaron Rodgers, Matt Leinart, Brady Quinn "Poor thing" drama this year. That is unless Dorsey doesn't go to the Chiefs, who just traded the #1 defensive end in the NFL. So, they just MIGHT be looking to replace him.

Side note: Wendi Nix? Is that the fat chick that Johnny Drama ended up getting rim jobbed by? Looks like it...

Side note: OH MY GOD! Look at that effing watch on Dorsey's wrist! How does he hold it up?

#5 Pick: Kansas City Chiefs - Glenn Dorsey - DT, LSU: Okay, so he hasn't missed a game in college. But, as badass as he is, he is a major injury risk. A RISK, mind you, not a liability. He's worth the gamble. Good for them. But, now the geen room is empty. I'm sad about that.

Side note: Happy as all outdoors!

Side note: J-E-T-S! Jets! Jets! Jets!

Side note: We still have Vernon Gholston in the green room! Drop drop drop!!! I want to hear about the triumph of the spirit of this brave young man for waiting an extra 20 minutes to be a millionaire!

Side note: I want to hang out with that bald Jets fan in the stands. He looks like he knows where we could find the truly kick ass high school parties!

#6 Pick: New York Jets - Vernon Gholston - DE, Ohio State - I think Vernon Gholston is a frightening badass on par with the Rock Eater in Neverending Story. Did I just bring up ROck Eater? Wow... I don't care about people saying he's TOO muscular and not athletic enough. Forget that. Gholston will destroy...

Side note: Goddammit! These 1984 style Under Armour commercials have GOT TO GO! CAN...YOU...DIG IT!!!???

Side note: Prediction: Iron Man will suck ass. Over/Under: A McDonald's Cheeseburger.

Side note: Even with Goodell's new streamlined draft. I'm drunker than I have been before at this time. I better move on to beer. Once again, my wife is pure gold. I said, "I've got to live blog the Draft while I get drunk." ad she said, "I'll take the kids to your mom's for a few hours." GOLD!!!

Side note: The Patriots trade Pick #7 to the Saints

Pick #7: New Orleans Saints - Sedrick Ellis - DT, USC - The Saints are out of control! They are trying to get to the Super Bowl TO-day! Look at Ellis' picture, he looks like someone just said, "Sedrick, I think Billy Jean was WAY better than Thriller." The cameraman did not live through the shoot. I hate this pick, but only because I hate the Saints.

Side note: The Ravens trade Pick #8 to the Jaguars

Side note: I really am sensing some animosity between the rest of the crew and Chris Berman.

Side note: FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT! Kiper versus Berman! Come over the desk!

Pick #8: Jacksonville Jaguars - Derrick Harvey - DE, Florida - OOOO!!! Berman just said, "We say a reach, but, uh, you know, that's just on YOUR BOARD, MEL!" Ha ha ha ha! I don't know about this guy, but Berman just cracked me up with that!

Side note: Hmmm.... You think Keith Rivers might be a Bengal?

Side note: I'm onto the High Life now. Beer #1 coming up after this pick.

Pick #9: Cincinnati Bengals - Keith Rivers - OLB, USC - Wow, that was the quietest reception ever for a pick. Crickets everywhere. Keith Rivers is a bad ass. A classy guy, but a classy guy who will eat your soul. You know what I mean? It's a shame that he's going to the Bengals. I mean Marvin Lewis should have a killer defense, but ever year, it's just mediocrity. I wish for better for Keith Rivers, because he's a bad mutha.

Side note: Adam Sandler.... I pretend that he died after Happy Gilmore. It keeps me happy.

Side note: Vented Coors Light? there's an extra indention on the mouth of the can. Is that really ad worthy? I drank one last night, my mind was not blown. I didn't even notice until I looked down and said, "Indention?!"

#10 Pick - New England Patriots - Jerod Mayo - ILB, Tennessee - New England just filled Teddy Bruschi's position for later on. Beautiful move on their part. Forget the videotaping shit. The Patriots are just amazing, and they just got better. I love this pick. What are they supposed to do? Draft a QB? A WR? Well played.

Side note: Did Berman just say, "Hold the Mayo"? Pollack KILL!!!!

Side note: I just peed off of my deck. If you don't have a deck, I suggest you should build one. I have one that angles off of a hill, so if I angle my stream properly, I can get maybe 15-20 feet off the ground. It's fantastic.

#11 Pick - Buffalo Bills - Leodis McKelvin - CB, Troy - Ha ha ha! The lone Bills fans in the audience didn't like that pick. But, he should quit being a dumb ass because as much as I hate talking about defensive backs during this, I have done my homework a little more and McKelvin comes from Alabama. McKelvin is badass. Some scout was quoted on the radio the other day as saying, "If McKelvin played for USC or Ohio State, he'd be a top 5 pick."

Side note: Thank God for beer. Fucking Poe and Van Gogh were suckers for drinking that shit. And I am not having ANY hallucinations, but I'll be damned if this isn't the most poetic prose ever transcribed onto a computer screen.

#12 Pick - Denver Broncos - Ryan Clady - OT, Boise State - I love this pick. As great as the Broncos make their running backs (minus Travis Henry) they do great things for their QBs, too. I think he'll protect Cutlers ass, but for what? Cutler will still eff it up. Did I mention I think that Cutler isn't what he's cracked up to be?

Side note: Haii, I'm Sal Pow-lan-toe-nio. My vocal chords run directly through my nose. Wah wah wah wah...

Pick #13 - Carolina Panthers - Johnathan Stewart - RB, Oregon - Need a committee, take a committee. DeAngelo Williams high fived everyone when DeShaun Foster left now he's gonna have to call a carpenter to fix the hole in the floor that his jaw just left. Stewart's incredible if he can stay healthy. I said that Adrian Peterson probably couldn't stay healthy last season, my shoe tasted incredible, so now I'm gonna just leave it at Stewart's an incredible talent.

Side note: Don't you dare call my wife Nancy. It's Mrs. Barber, you punk! Are you sleeping wi th my wife?!!! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!!! Man, I'm drunk...

Side note: Aaron's 312? What, does Rent-To-Own not afford you a full 500? "Sorry, if people just owned more than we rent we could probably afford like 415, maybe 425... But, for now we can only give you 312..."

Side note: Thank God Jaworski just showed up, I was running low on goobers to rag on.

Side note: Seattle Seahawks Key Loss: Josh Brown. I love that. Shaun Alexander is probably not as fond of it as I am.

Side note: Rex grossman is as late a bloomer as Bill Haverchuck.

Pick #14: Chicago bears - Chris Williams - OT, Vanderbilt - Yeah, that's what you needed, Chicago. Someone to protect your shitty QB and your crybaby RB. Hold on... What's that sound? Oh, that must be Bears fans organizing a riot. Williams is good, but possibly not the Bears first priority. I say possibly being polite.

Side note: The best WR is still available. Matt Millen is licking his chops.

Side note: The Lions traded the #15 pick to the the Chiefs

Pick #15: Kansas City Chiefs - Branden Albert - G, Virgina - Someone wake Branden up. He looks like a good pick. If they can't get anyone to replace Brody Croyle, might as well pick up someone to keep people from killing him. Although, if he did get killed they'd have to replace him which could be the best move of the offseason.

Pick #16: Arizona Cardinals - Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie - CB, Tennessee State - Why do I know so much about damn DBs these days? Cromartie is badass. Once again, a small school guy who is good enough to play at big levels. My only question is how will they fit his name on the jersey?

Side note: I'm not a fan of the new streamlined format, Goodell. I don't have time to rip on stupid things.

Pick #17: Detroit Lions - Gosder Cherilus - OT, Boston College - Who? Ha ha ha! Way to avoid Mendenhall, Millen! Jew so CRAZY, Millen! Who's he blocking for? Kitna? Nameless running back #1?

Side note: Looks like Flacco's gonna be the next Grbac and Dilfer.

Side note: Is it just me or is this the least interesting draft in a while? Berman should take off his shirt. What?

Side note: The Texans trade pick #18 to the Ravens.

Pick #18: Baltimore Ravens - Joe Flacco - QB, Delaware - He's the next Ben Roethlisberger. Gigantic and solid. I like him a lot. Way better than I like Matt Ryan. Great job for Ozzie Newsome and the Ravens. Now they need to figure out how to get him an exciting target.

Side note: The Eagles trade pick #19 to the Panthers.

Pick #19: Carolina Panthers - Jeff Otah - OT, Pittsburgh - Great selection despite the audience selection. They've got their RB committee, now they've got their solid blocker. And the stupid Lions took who? Glodis Something? Gosder... Idiots...

Side note: What's this crap? HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! They had to cut the talking heads off from their blah blah blah so they could introduce the armed forces. Whoops!

Side note: This is the pick I'm pumped about. I hope it's Devin Thomas. Although it won't be. Gruden's, right now, desperately searching for the "You my boy, Blue!" guy who somehow snuck into college at the age of 80 to do some Jello wrestling.

Side note: Eagles fans are furious right now. This amuses me to no end!

Pick #20: Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Aqib Talib - DB, Kansas - SEE! Do you SEE this shit?! They HAVE to pick a wide receiver! HAVE TO! And they pick Aqib Talib, the biggest bust prospect in the defensive backs this season. Every year I want to puke at the Bucs pick, and every year I do. Good for you for smoking pot. Just don't suck on the field. Damn I hate this pick so much...

Side note: Tirico hates the pick, too.

Side note: 5 minutes later, I still hate the Bucs pick. I love Gruden on the sideline, but I hate him in the office. i hate him so damn much in the office. I'd go take off my jersey now, but I'm not a Saints fan. (They take off their jerseys when they start losing in the Superdome. Saints fans suck.)

Side note: The Redskins trade pick #21 to the Falcons.

Side note: I guarantee here comes Devin Thomas. GUARANTEE IT!!!!

Pick #21: Atlanta Falcons - Sam Baker - OT, USC - Uh... That's a beard to be dealt with, for sure. I don't hate the pick because the Falcons are in the NFC South, so they can draft Ethel Merman for all I care.

Side note: ESPN is smart to shoot Rachel Nichols head on, so as to avoid resorting to a 16x9 aspect ratio to accomodate her nose.

Side note: I bet the Cowboys go Mendenhall. They don't want Barber to carry the whole load.

Side note: Quit showing Devin Thomas. I'm sick over it. I need another beer. By the way, I'm halfway through beer #3 after the absinthe by the way. D-R-U-N-K DRUNK! DRUNK! DRUNK!

Pick #22: Dallas Cowboy - Felix Jones - RB, Arkansas - Interesting choice. I think Mendehall is better. Felix Jones reminds me of a non-fat LenDale White. I guess they'd rather have someone used to sharing carries, but I'd bet that neither Marion Barber or Felix Jones is excited about this situation.

Side note: Rashard Mendenhall's pre-draft party looks like the tits! That looked like a strip club and I think I saw a Pabst Blue Ribbon in the background.

Pick #23: Pittsburgh Steelers - Rashard Mendenhall - RB, Illinois - How could you not take him? Willie Parker is great. Mendenhall is, too. Looks like the copycat bug has hit Pittsburgh as well. Look out for the Steelers rushing tandem. Sick, sick stuff, man... I don't love it, but I do fear it.

Side note: My fish tank is filthy. I need to clean it. Tomorrow...

Side note: What's that hood rat drinking at DeSean Jackson's party? Jones Soda or Grey Goose?

Side note: Uh oh! Steve Young wrote Devin thomas in ink! Must be true!

Pick #24: Tennessee Titans - Chris Johnson - RB, East Carolina - He's fast and small. The bizarro LenWhale White. I would say that the Titans are on the copycat train as well now, but I think they're just all out trying to replace LenWhale. He's an intersting pick. But, more importantly, I'm going to pee off of my deck again.

Side note: I hear Nirvana in the background. I sat here for a few seconds and can't think of anything interesting to say about this observation. Beer #4 just opened.

Side note: The Seahawks traded pick #25 to the Cowboys.

Pick #25: Dallas Cowboys - Mike Jenkins - DB, South Florida - Thank God! I don't know anything about this guy! I feel much better not knowing anything about defensive backs. My cat just jumped up on my laptop and frightened me. I should have left what she typed in midsentence, but alas, I did not...

Pick #26: Houston Texans - Duane Brown - OT, Virginia Tech - How many offensive linemen have to go in the first round until you have the lowest ratings in a televised NFL draft ever? I don't know, how many have been selected this time? 10? 12? I feel like I went home with a drunk chick and she fell asleep on the toilet while I'm laying in her bed right now...

Pick #27: San Diego Chargers - Antoine Cason - CB, Arizona - Ha! Thank you Tivo! I dosed off for a little while and had to rewind. I don't know anything about him, but I do know that the Chargers already have some of he best young defensive backs in the league. So, they just went crazy. There's another team that could've used a high caliber wide receiver that didn't take one.

Side note: Ugh... I have a head ache. I love drinking in the afteroon, but I hate not drinking in the evening. Hangovers at 8:00 suck ass.

Pick #28: Seattle Seahawks - Lawrence Jackson - DE, USC - He looks like a good pass rusher. But, honestly Jackson looks to me like a slightly above average player who got drafted in the first round because he went to USC. Meh...

Pick #29: San Francisco 49ers - Kentwan Balmer - DT, North Carolina - That's a big freakin' fella. He's supposed to play nose tackle in San Fran's new 3-4 defensive scheme. He doesn't look like he eats EVERYone's lunches, but he has been known to root around in the bus... What in the hell am I even talking about? Does it make sense to be the drunkest when the people who you've never heard of are being drafted? No!

Side note: The Packers have traded pick #30 to the Jets.

Side note: My oldest son just came home and said that Mel Kiper Jr. looks like a rooster. Best quip of the day!!!

Pick #30: New York Jets - Dustin Keller - TE, Purdue - Ha ha ha ha! The Jets faithful HATE IT! Lots of hands on heads and exasperated looks all around. Honestly, it's a good choice. Because who else have they got? Bubba Franks now? Bubba Franks lost it years ago and Chris Baker never had it. Why not get a playmaker SOMEwhere else besides inside a jersey that says Coles.

Side note: 50 different people were fooled by PIZZA HUT that they were in a regular New York restaurant opening? You're kidding. Pizza Hut? I call bullshit or else I congratulate on finding the 50 stupidest people on the planet. "Mmmm...what is that I taste? A hint of hot wing sauce?"

Side note: Wait, did Berman just compare Eli Manning and Joe Namath? Ugh...

Pick #31: New York Giants - Kenny Phillips - S, Miami - Man, the fans love him! What better way to end this year's Drinkin' and Draftin' than with another defensive back that I don't know anything about. I really don't care about the Giants or defensive backs, so I'm going to go eat dinner.

PEESH!

Labels: 2008 nfl draft, football, nfl, nfl draft, rookies

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Throughout the years of all sports, evolutions occur. In basketball, guards and forwards morphed into point guards, shooting guards, power forwards, and small forwards. Baseball developed closers, setup men, and long relievers from the solitary position of pitcher. Hell, even football has developed the third down back and the slot receiver out of it's original positions.

However, one being seems impervious to the call of evolution. The quarterback.

I feel like most people's argument about the quarterback by committee idea is this: "The quarterback is the leader of the offense! He's like the General leading his men to war! Okay, let me just say bullshit to this. Yes, the quarterback is the one calling the plays. But, in most cases, save for Peyton Manning and a couple of others, those plays are being relayed into him via helmet phone from the offensive coordinator. I'm not saying he's not the "General", but I am saying that it's not like someone else is incapable of being a substitute general.

Am I calling for an even 50/50 split? Absolutely not. Face facts, some quarterbacks are just head and shoulders above others in the world of identifying defenses, calling audibles, and making smart, on the fly, decisions. But, can you imagine how much bigger an asset a Michael Vick (pre-incarceration) or a Vince Young would be to a team if they had another quarterback who could actually pass the ball as well?

Now, you couldn't pull off a Duece McAllister/Reggie Bush type of timeshare at the quarterback position, either. You know when Bush comes in, 7 times out of 10 he's going to be thrown to rather than handed off to. The same goes for McAllister, you can almost rest assured that he's going to be busting through the line with a handoff. So, you can't just have Brian Griese handle 5 pass plays and bring in Jeff Garcia for the bootleg. I think defenses might key in on that pretty quickly. So, you would have to rely on Vince Young, or the like, actually throwing a few ducks.

This would do a couple of things for an offense:

1. The opposing defenses would have to prepare for an onslaught of not one but TWO different quarterbacks with completely different styles of play.

2. The quarterbacks would get extra breathers and have the ability to sit back and watch some plays develop from the sidelines. I can only imagine this would be a huge benefit for a QB stuck in a rut on the field, without the humiliation of being pulled for a full quarter, half or even the game to get fresh legs in the game.

Can you imagine the threat the Eagles would have if they could swap McNabb out with, say, a Tim Tebow in a few years. McNabb is a smart, great passer with reasonably good rushing skills. Tebow is a great rushing QB with reasonably good passing skills. They would consistently keep defenses on their toes.

McNabb is also a great example of a quarterback who seems to get stuck in ruts. He's a great QB, but once he throws an INT you can almost bet there will be another one waiting in the wings soon.

These are just examples. It's probably even a bad example since by the time Tebow comes into the NFL, McNabb will be entering his 11th season at the age of 33. But, you get the idea that I'm throwing out there.

The whole concept of playing a quarterback like a race horse, pushing him and pushing him and pushing him until he's completely spent and then punishing him by pulling him for an extended period of time is outdated. The running back by committee concept has not only been embraced by many coaches in the NFL, it's been adopted by many. It's time NFL coaches start looking at the quarterback by committee concept as a viable suggestion. It would extend careers, keep defenses on their toes, and make the game all the more exciting. If the only excuse is that the offense needs to only take orders from their "General", come on, we're talking about adult millionaires who listen for their names and spend the rest of their time thinking of how they can make themselves look better. You think Chad Johnson gives a shit who is telling him what play to run? He did just fine for Carson Palmer despite hating his guts.

Labels: Carson Palmer, Chad Johnson, Donovan McNabb, duece mcallister, football, Jeff Garcia, Matt Hasselbeck, Michael vick, nfl, Peyton Manning, quarterback, reggie bush, Tim Tebow, Vince Young

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We've heard it before time and time again, "The Saints have effectively killed both Bush and McAllister's fantasy value." "Which do you take Julius Jones or Marion Barber?" "Running back by committee is killing my team!" But, how much validity is there in that school of thought. On paper it sounds like a killer, but let's take a deeper look and see what we find.

The Top 10 Total Rush Attempts in 2006 were all put forth by guys who were lone running backs in their team's offensive schemes. The average number of rush attempts between those Top 10 are 335 or 21.1 Rushes Per Game. Let's look at some of the biggest names affected in 2006 by the RB By Committee plague's Rushes Per Game over the years:

• Duece McAllister: 2004 - 19.2, 2005 - 18.6, 2006 - 16.3
• Fred Taylor: 2004 - 18.6, 2005 - 17.6, 2006 - 15.4
• Julius Jones: 2004 - 24.6, 2005 - 19.8, 2006 - 16.7
• DeShaun Foster: 2004 - 14.8, 2005 - 13.7, 2006 - 16.2

With the exception of Julius Jones (Marion Barber has been splitting carries since 2005), these guys have only been part of committees since last season. Here's how the breakdown plays out:

2004: 19.3
2005: 17.4
2006: 16.2

So, since the committee came into play, we've seen our 4 big names drop about 3 rushes per game. That's not too bad, especially considering their average Yards Per Rush number all actually INCREASED from 2005 to 2006 from 4.0 to 4.4 (with the exception of DeShaun Foster who went from 4.3 YPR to 4.0 YPR). If all of those guys keep up the 4.4 Yards Per Rush pace for their average 16.2 Rushes Per Game, that would have them rushing for 1140 yards this season. Not a bad deal considering that Fred Taylor is the only one of the four who has rushed for over 1140 in the past 3 seasons.

The bottom line is, generally speaking, we're not going to see elite running backs fall into committees. I know I read an article recently that had the Saints interested in Larry Johnson, but seriously, why in the world would any team waste the kind of money Larry Johnson would demand when they have an elite running back already on the team? They wouldn't, that's bad business, and if they did...well, George Steinbrenner should have an opening at General Manager by season's end.

So, that being said, the guys who are falling prey to committees should have already had their expectations diminished. On top of that, it actually seems as though the committee is aiding their rush numbers by allowing them fresher legs when they come in.

Oh, you want to talk TD numbers?

• Duece McAllister: 2004 - 9, 2005 - 3, 2006 - 10
• Fred Taylor: 2004 - 2, 2005 - 3, 2006 - 5
• Julius Jones: 2004 - 7, 2005 - 5, 2006 - 4
• DeShaun Foster: 2004 - 2, 2005 - 2, 2006 - 3

Averages:

2004: 5
2005: 3.25
2006: 5.5

So, fear not, fellow Fantasy Football nutcases! The running back by committee scourge we're seeing become ever present in our beloved game is not the end of the fantasy world as we know it, only a new tool to use against the people who don't take the time to figure things out.

Just thought you should know.

Labels: deshaun foster, duece mcallister, fantasy football, football, fred taylor, julius jones, nfl, rb by committee, running back

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Like a time capsule buried in grandma's flower garden, I have been anxiously awaiting opening this barrel full of monkeys all season long. I'm going to do what no other Fantasy Football site is willing to do. I'm going to review my recommendations from the beginning of the season, and see how they stand up against their present status. I, for one, can appreciate the times that I am proven wrong, because I can use those times to better my judgment for the next time around. Of course, I hope to see more positive recommendations than negative, but I know that I recommended Jake Plummer as the sleeper QB of the season (Whoops!) so, I'm just gonna hold on and hope for the best.

Okay, bend over, RotoDestroyer. Here comes your audit:

So You Want To Win Your Fantasy Football League? (08/14/2006)

1. Larry Johnson, Shaun Alexander, LaDanian Tomlinson (Prognosis: #1, #2, #3) - Okay, you may or may not believe this, but on early versions of my draft kit, I had the Holy Trinity ranked: #1 LaDanian Tomlinson, #2 Larry Johnson, #3 Shaun Alexander. I folded under the pressure of seeing every other site ranking them Larry Johnson, Shaun Alexander, LaDanian Tomlinson and eventually changed my ranking. But, it's basically a wash, so, I'm just going to call this faux pas a push and move on.

Result: 0 points

2. Willis McGahee (Prognosis: "...and end up taking Willis McGahee in the first round, and that’s just retarded.") Still a retarded decision. With only 4 TDs this season, and a 2 game injury hiatus, Mr. McGahee is the #25 RB in the NFL today by fantasy standards.

Result: 1 point

3. Peyton Manning (Prognosis: #4 pick overall) Sorting all players by total fantasy points brings Mr. Marketing Boy Toy to #3 overall. Missed by one, damn. But, I was still right.

Result: 1 point

4. Terrell Owens (Prognosis: ""Ha ha! T.O. in the first round! SNAP!” Because everyone will laugh at you as you miss the playoffs") T.O. is ranked as the #4 WR in the NFL right now, but according to my statement, he's not 1st round material. That statement is still true. He's done "well", but not 1st round well, since he is the 32nd ranked fantasy points scorer in the NFL.

Result: 1 point

5. Corey Dillon (Prognosis: "Corey Dillon in the 3rd round.") He's the #22 fantasy points scoring running back, #52 overall. Even in a 16 team league, Corey Dillon doesn't fit the bill as a 3rd Rounder. Swing and a miss, RD!

Result: -1 point

6. Tom Brady/Carson Palmer (Prognosis: "Tom Brady or Carson Palmer...or the like early in the 2nd Round, and that would be a fantastic pick.") Ranked #10 and #8 respectively in overall fantasy points, Carson Palmer averaged a 2.7 round pick and Tom Brady averaged a 3.1 rounder. 2 POINT CONVERSION!

Result: 2 points

7. Jake Plummer/Drew Brees (Prognosis: "Jake Plummer or Drew Brees in the 3rd Round.") Man, I threw a lot of trust Plummer's way this season. He's gonna really screw my results here. But, fortunately in this ill-conceived bit of wisdom, Drew Brees pulled me out of the flames to result in a push.

Result: 0 points

8. Samkon Gado (Prognosis: "you’ll be stuck with Samkon Gado as your #2 back, and that’s not Good Eats…") Duh...

Result: 0 points

9. Derrick Mason (Prognosis: "Derrick Mason’s 5.9 Fantasy Points Per Game in like the 7th or 8th Round.") If you got him in the 7th or 8th round, good for you. He's been decent. Any earlier and...sorry. Ranked 155th overall, and in a 12 team league, the 8th round would end with pick #96. Sorry, RotoDestroyer, technically, you failed.

Result: -1 point

10. Antonio Gates (Prognosis: 4th Rounder) Ranked as the best TE who isn't a technical glitch in Yahoo's system (AHEM...Colston), and ranked #41 overall. Gates would have been just fine as a 4th Round selection.

Result: 1 point

11. Jeremy Shockey/Tony Gonzalez (Prognosis: 5th Rounders) Ranked at #69 and #47 respectively, once again both of these TEs would have fit right in with the other 5th rounders.

Result: 1 point

12. Randy McMichael (Prognosis: "some idiot’s found himself with Randy McMichael in the 5th Round.") Ranked #182 overall, McMichael doesn't even belong on the draft board, much less in the 5th round.

Result: 1 point

13. Laveranues Coles (Prognosis: "Don’t forgo Laveranues Coles for Kevan Barlow.") Matching Jet versus Jet, Coles has outscored Barlow and adds another point for the mighty RotoDestroyer!

Result: 1 point

Sleepers & Busters (08/15/2006)

14. Jake Plummer (Prognosis: Sleeper) Well apparently not. Like I said, I had a lot of faith in him. I still like him, expecially more than the Bumpkin Beatle, Jay Cutler. But, I could never consider Plummer a success this season, even if I was a liar...

Result: -1 point

15. Marc Bulger (Prognosis: Buster) As the #7 QB in fantasy football, once again I've fallen on my face.

Result: -1 point

16. Chester Taylor/Joseph Addai (Prognosis: Sleepers) As #13 and #8 on the list of RBs in fantasy football, I consider this a victorious occasion, nailing not one but TWO sleepers. However, I initially had Lee Suggs 10 minutes before he failed his physical and voided his contract. So, for this crass mistake, I deduct one point from a double-doozie.

Result: 1 point

17. Edgerrin James (Prognosis: Buster) Edge? Edge? Where'd you go? Oh...you fell to #29 on the list of RBs? #99 overall? You averaged being the 8.8 pick overall in fantasy drafts? So, I was right? Hmmm...CHALK IT UP!

Result: 1 point

18. Andre Johnson, Michael Clayton, Javon Walker, Chris Chambers (Prognosis: Sleepers) "There’s several names who could go here: Michael Clayton, Javon Walker, even Chris Chambers. Michael Clayton is not as bad as he was last season. Javon Walker will be back with a vengeance under Shannahan’s rule. Chris Chambers is a sleeper in that, I think he will pull a Steve Smith and suddenly become a Top 3 receiver overnight. But, I still pick Andre Johnson because he was so good for two seasons, and when he crapped the bed last season I see now that he’s been written off down the line, ranked as low as #33. That’s crazy."

Andre Johnson = 1 point
Michael Clayton = -1 point
Javon Walker = 1 point
Chris Chambers = -1 point

I should've just kept my mouth shut and stuck with Andre Johnson, and I'd have a point right now. But, in this case I think the bad knocked the good out of it. Chambers a Top 3 receiver? WHAT?!

Result: 0 points

19. Joey Galloway (Prognosis: Buster) He was placed as high as #11 on the pre-draft list of WRs. I said, "No way!" Now he's ranked #22 on the list of receivers. Not really a great position, but not really a bust, either.

Result: -1 point

20. Zach Hilton (Prognosis: Sleeper) HA HA HA HA HA! Who? HA HA HA HA HA!

Result: -1 point

21. Tony Gonzalez (Prognosis: Buster) Look who's on the rebound! It's Gonzo! Look who's on a slide now, it's RotoDestroyer!

Result: -1 point

22. Mike Vanderjagt (Prognosis: Sleeper) Ugh, I don't even want to talk about it. That's 4 in a row.

Result: -1 point

23. Neil Rackers (Prognosis: Buster) Finally! I was getting ill there for a moment. Rackers was ranked as the #1 kicker on almost every list out there (except RotoDestroyer). As of today, he's the #17 kicker in the league. Phew...

Result: 1 point

How Did I Wind Up With Vinny Testeverde? (08/25/2006)

24. Jon Kitna/Billy Volek (Prognosis: "You somehow wound up with Jon Kitna and Billy Volek as your only QBs. Well, things aren’t as grim as you think.") Okay Kitna hasn't been bad this season, so, no you wouldn't be screwed. But, Billy Volek? Shot who in the what now? Since the jist of this piece of information was that just because you're starting Jon Kitna doesn't mean you're screwed, I'm gonna give it a point. But, Billy Volek?

Result: 1 point

25. Ahman Green, Chester Taylor, LenDale White, Marion Barber (Prognosis: "you wound up with Ahman Green, Chester Taylor, LenDale White, and Marion Barber...you’re a lot better off than you think.") With the exception of LenDale White, this is possibly my best effort yet on this list. Going into the season, all 4 of these guys were question marks at best. At this point we see Ahman Green at #15, Chester Taylor at #13, and Marion Barber at #6. LenDale White is at Denny's somewhere I think. Chalk it up!

Result: 1 point

26. Rudi Johnson (Prognosis: "if you can trade Anquan Boldin for Rudi Johnson, you’d better take it") For some reason, before the season started this seemed like some super informative breaking news. At this point, I look at that statement and say, "Duh!" I was right, but I don't feel right giving myself a point for it.

Result: 0 points

27. Derrick Mason, Eddie Kennison, Ernest Wilford (Prognosis: "for a receiving corps, that’s not all that bad.") Ummm.... Yeah, that actually IS pretty bad in retrospect. Together, the three of them are averaging 572 receiving yards and 3 TDs. That's only 75.2 points, which ranks around 41 or 42 in the list of WRs. So, I hate ending on a bad note, however...

Result: -1 point

FINAL TOTAL: 14 - 9 - 5

Right - 50%
Wrong - 32%
Push - 18%

Labels: draft picks, fantasy draft, fantasy football, fantasy nfl, football

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I know, I know. This is no time to be pessimistic. During the very season that LaDanian Tomlinson is projecting better numbers than any running back in history, who am I to knock on the bathroom door and politely tell fantasy owners that they'd better hurry and get their rocks off humping his leg before it's too late.

Now, I'm not saying anything about THIS season. No way! Ride that donkey all the way to the championships, big fella! What I'm talking about is the future. Something struck me as I was driving home the other evening. I thought, "Every year there seems to be one running back who gives an unfair advantage to the team who owns him...and it never fails that someone thinks they're the luckiest person in the world to get that #1 pick the following year and wind up drafting Marshall Faulk in 2002, or Priest Holmes in 2004, or even Shaun Alexander in 2006." I thought, is there a way to somehow PREDICT the unpredictable fall off of these stellar running backs in time to save face for next seasons draft?

Of course...well, not a foolproof method, but it's certainly something to think about. Let's continue, shall we?

Now to stick to a Fantasy Football perspective and not a Hall of Fame contest, I'm going to stick strictly to Fantasy Points in this comparison. The fantasy points were derived from the universal stats and point values: 10 yards (rushing & receiving) = 1 point, TD = 6 points. We're just talking about the basics. Just the meat. If you're the type who gives points for rushing attempts, broken tackles, and crotches sniffed...well, get a life.

Let's start with the classics. The old greats from around the time when most (some) of us started playing this silly little game of ours:

Thurman Thomas lead the AFC in rushing in 1990, 1991, and 1993. Ironically enough, the year that he didn't win the rushing crown was the year of his greatest fantasy performance. On top of that irony is that in 1993, he won the AFC rushing crown on the cusp of his downward slide.

Peak Fantasy Points: 283.3
Seasons To Get To Peak: 5
Next Season Total: 206.2

Maybe a couple of you had heard of this guy back in the day. I thought twice about including this guy on the list due to his line not fitting in with the rest, but then in a fit of journalistic integrity I decided it would be irresponsible not to include one of the best running backs of the 90s. Maybe it was because Barry took his ball and went home when the Lions refused to trade him and he was able to retire on top of the game, but while everyone else's graph on this list resembles a mountain, Barry's resembles a rocky plateau. Maybe that speaks to Barry's ownership of the game, or maybe he just got out of the game before he pulled an Emmitt Smith.

Peak Fantasy Points: 319.8
Seasons To Get To Peak: 9
Next Season Total: 202.0

The NFL's Career Rushing Yardage record holder, Emmitt Smith, was a monster to own in the early 90s. If he was on your team, no one could touch you. In 1995, he did the unthinkable when he hopped over the 350 Fantasy Points mark. However, the next year his fantasy points fell to 235.3 and he only topped that mark one more time (240.7 in 1998) over the course of 9 more seasons spent desperately trying to take Walter Payton's record.

Peak Fantasy Points: 364.8
Seasons To Get To Peak: 6
Next Season Total: 235.3


Many of you are probably most familiar with Marshall Faulk, as he was many people's golden child in their virgin seasons. As part of the the seemingly unstoppable Rams, it seemed that Faulk was an unstoppable force by himself. He created fantasy league champions all over the world from '99 to '01. But, when trigger happy owners spent their #1 pick on him in 2002, jaws hit the floor and pants filled with poo. We watched the cliff fall out from under Mr. Faulk like Wyl E. Coyote in Looney Tunes, but Mr. Faulk forgot his tiny umbrella and he suddenly became a tiny dust cloud at the bottom of the fantasy canyon.

Peak Fantasy Points: 374.9
Seasons To Get To Peak: 7
Next Season Total: 334.7
NEXT Season Total: 203.0
Ah, Priest Holmes! What a great story. He just wanted somewhere to play. Baltimore couldn't seem to fit him in. He did well in 1998 cresting 1000 yards in his rookie season, but then sat back in a reserve role until Kansas City grabbed him up in 2001. He took that opportunity to say, "Eff-You Baltimore, I'm goin' off!" He put up numbers the likes of which have never been seen, and he called himself Tenacious D...excuse me... No one before him had put up two consecutive 350+ point seasons. But, we all know what happened next, and people were STILL drafting him in 2005 in hopes of catching just a glimpse of what he had been.

Peak Fantasy Points: 371.0
Seasons To Get To Peak: 6
Next Season Total: 193.9


Now we get to LT. Now, I'm an LT owner and I know what kind of benefits this man has provided for my team this season. If I'm down 35 going into the afternoon games on Sunday and Tomlinson hasn't played yet, I can still kick my feet up and rest easy that good ol' LT will run circles around whatever defense they throw at him. This weekend I started LT and Joseph Addai who combined for 74.96 points. That's enough to win games all by themselves, but I had seven other players on top of that. (Just wanted to brag again...)

Back to the topic at hand. Looking at the five players we've discussed prior to King Tomlinson, if you'll notice, they all seem to hit their peak fantasy value at around the 6th year (the average is 6.6, but you get the idea.) This just happens to be LT's 6th season in the NFL. While the totals for 2006 are just projections according to his statistics up to Week 12, he's not only about to beat the all-time fantasy points record, he's about to smash it by more than 50.

LaDanian reminds me of the story of Icarus. Long boring mythology short, Icarus built wax wings to prove to his father that he could touch the sun, the sun melted his wings, he plummeted back to Earth. Now, I'm not saying LT is pushing himself too hard or anything like that. But, you can look at the charts above and see historically that once a running back hits a peak, he not only never touches that number again, he continues to plummet right back to Earth.

Why do I think LT has hit his peak? You mean besides the fact that he's on the verge of scoring 441.1 points, when the highest I've run across is Faulk's 374.9? I guess the way he's running this season, I can't wholeheartedly say that it's his peak...but, you've got to consider it.

So, there you have it. Take it for what it is. One guy's opinion and attempt at predicting the unpredictable. But, I know that if I land the 1st pick in 2007, I will be wary of drafting LaDanian Tomlinson with my pick.

Just thought you should know...

Labels: fantasy football, football, LaDanian Tomlinson, nfl

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Somewhere between the time Marques Colston was taken at the 252nd pick of the 2006 draft and the day that Yahoo! opened their fantasy football registration, someone at Yahoo! committed the biggest blunder in the history of internet based fantasy sports. When the positions needed to be attached to the code, it seems someone said, "252nd pick...Marques Colston...Postion...uhhhh... Oh, who gives a rats ass." And suddenly, without playing a single down at tight end, Marques Colston was listed at that very position. One that is notoriously barren of fantasy points.

So what, right? Let's think about the ramifications: I would almost guarantee that 90% of the teams in the upper echelon of fantasy football leagues are starting Colston at tight end. Why is this? Well, what kind of team wouldn't have taken a very good tight end? A team who was racking up on offensive studs in the meantime. As you took Tony Gonzalez or Antonio Gates in the fourth round, this guy took Tom Brady or Roy Williams or Javon Walker. I was able to drop Marcus Pollard (my 14th pick) for Colston after the first week. I had Tony Gonzalez in both of my other leagues, so I didn't make the switch, and I'm cool with that, because who would drop Gonzo after the first game for a Saints rookie? Right...

A team could feasibly have Roy Williams, Javon Walker, and Muhsin Muhammad with Colston bringing up tight end. None of those players are first round picks, either. So just imagine playing a juggernaut like that with Larry Johnson or LT at the helm. My Colston-enhanced team consists of Peyton Manning, Plaxico Burress, Javon Walker, Randy Moss, and Willie Parker...plus Colston.

My point is, before I veered off into bragging, this blunder, while endlessly beneficial for those of us lucky enough to have grabbed Marques Colston before he exploded, has placed quite a wrench in the system by allowing strong teams to become close to unbeatable. So, I'd like to thank Yahoo! on my behalf and bump knuckles with those who were able to grab Marques Colston early to take the place of the Marcus Pollards and the Jermaine Wiggins of the world, people whose only concern after their draft was, "Ugh...what am I gonna do with Joe Klopfenstein?" Good job, my Colston-enhanced brothers, go out there and destroy and remember the time that Yahoo! gave us steroids.

Labels: fantasy football, fantasy nfl, football, marques colston, yahoo

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Ah, the morning after. It was a wonderful night. You ate, you drank, you had a fantastic time. Right now is the moment before you open your eyes when you’re still in the blissful state of grogginess, and suddenly a thought dawns on you. Now’s the time that you roll over to see what you brought home with you last night: the knock-out or the pig? You open your eyes…

There she lays sprawled out on your computer screen like a bag full of rotten potatoes. Oh my God…you brought home the pig!

There’s names like Jon Kitna, Ahman Green, and Koren Robinson…in your starting line up. Oh God! What did you do last night? First off, go take a shower. Wash the stink of a bad draft off of you as quickly as you can and burn your sheets. Let’s not speak of this again.

Now, we’ve got to worry about fixing this situation. An important thing to remember is, just like going to the bar or the nightclub, SOMEone’s got to bring home the pig. And for whatever reason, this time it was you. It happens to everyone at least once. But, what separates the guys who give in to a life of pigs, and the guys who brush themselves off and laugh off the whole mess, lies in what you do next.

More than likely, it’s not as bad as it seems. If you got to participate in the first round, you at least got one good player to work with. More than likely, you got a few. So, we have to focus on the good of the situation first. Let’s look at this position by position:

QB Situation – You somehow wound up with Jon Kitna and Billy Volek as your only QBs. Well, things aren’t as grim as you think. Fortunately, these are both guys with firm grips on the starting job at least for the first few weeks. The other thing that this tells me is that you bulked up other positions while everyone else was grabbing up the QBs, and this is good. So, here’s what you do: Look at the matchups. Jon Kitna and the Lions are facing Seattle in Week 1. Hmmm…Seattle’s got a pretty solid D. Ah, but Volek and the Titans are playing the Jets in Week 1! Score! The Jets have one of the lowest rated defenses in the league. So, you start Volek against the Jets in Week 1 and keep a CLOSE eye on the waiver wire. Did Charlie Frye throw for 400 yards in Week 1? Of course it would be against the Saints, but still 400 yards could mean something big regardless of who it’s against. So, what I’m saying is play the matchups with what you’ve got and keep your eyes on the free agent wire and be ready to pull the trigger the second a free agent shows signs of promise. You may have to hold out for two or three weeks before one of the free agents begins to really stand out, but one will. They always do. The important thing is, YOU have to be the one who grabs him up.

RB Situation – So, you beefed up on WRs and you wound up with Ahman Green, Chester Taylor, LenDale White, and Marion Barber. First off, if you have a solid top tier QB in conjunction with this group of miscreants, then you’re a lot better off than you think. If you’re sitting on Ahman Green and Chester Taylor with Jon Kitna as your starting QB, you’ve got trouble. The difference between this RB situation and the QB situation is that of these four RBs, only two of them are clear cut starters: Ahman Green and Chester Taylor. Now, on the bright side, let’s not forget that before last season Ahman Green was an unquestioned first rounder. He’s an injury risk now, sure. But, he’s always been. So, if he’s what you got…you could have worse. On top of that, while Chester Taylor won’t get you LaDanian Tomlinson style stats, he’s certainly no slouch. The biggest problem, however, with not having a couple of very good RBs is that there’s a 99% chance that there are NO good or even decent RBs left on the free agent wire as opposed to QBs where you can find 2-4 starting QBs at any time. So, here’s what you do. Stick with Ahman and Chester. You’re not going to get into first place with a tandem like that, but with careful planning you can work your way out of the jam. This is more of a situation for trades, than free agency pick ups. So, wait it out a few weeks, obviously, if any RBs on the free agent wire show promise, grab them. But, more than likely you’ll see some of your WRs show big numbers. I’d hope that if you shafted yourself out of starting RBs this badly, you at least have some wicked WRs. So, what you want to do is, after someone like Anquan Boldin has a great game in Week 1 against San Fran, work for the week trying to get someone to trade one of their RBs for Anquan straight up. But, Anquan is your only great WR? Don’t worry about it (well maybe you should…what exactly were you doing while the draft was going on?), great RBs score almost twice what great WRs score, good RBs score about the same. For instance, Kevin Jones and Anquan Boldin score about the same amount of points each game. So, if you can trade Anquan Boldin for Rudi Johnson, you’d better take it and go grab one of the WRs on the free agent wire.

WR Situation – So, you’re staring in the face of a WR corps that consists of Derrick Mason, Eddie Kennison, and Ernest Wilford. Let me start by saying, if your receiving corps looks like this, you’d better have a damned good QB and RB line up, or else you should leave your home address with our receptionist so we can have someone come out give you a wedgie. Secondly, for a receiving corps, that’s not all that bad. This is probably the best situation you could be in, actually, because it will give you the longest period of time to rectify the situation. Fortunately, this is also the EASIEST situation to rectify. Every year there’s four or five WRs who start out on the free agent wire who become viable WR solutions within a few weeks. Case in point: Terry Glenn, Nate Burleson, Lee Evans, Donte Stallworth, Drew Bennett, and blah blah blah… So, if your WR corps is your biggest nightmare, chin up, Chrissy, there’s starving people in Ethiopia.

TE, K, DEF Situation – If you ran into this situation of your own volition, then you make bunnies cry. If you ran into this situation because you let Yahoo do your draft for you, reevaluate your life. Is your honeymoon REALLY more important than your fantasy football draft? Of course not. According to statistics, it’s not like you won’t have a chance for another one, right? As a matter of fact, attending your fantasy draft COULD even expedite that situation. Regardless, you now find yourself staring at two TEs, two Ks, and two DEFs. The solution is so simple, you don’t even need my help. Drop the worst one at each position. Do not carry two of any of these guys. It’s wasted space, if for no other reason than you could be holding onto someone who another manager is starting, were it not for your insatiable need for both Dallas Clark AND Jermaine Wiggins to be on your team. So, get to dropping this extra weight before you sink your ship at the boat launch.

So, you see, no team is beyond repair in this crazy addiction we call Fantasy Football. The hardest part, sometimes, is knowing that your team sucks. It’s kind of like how ugly people don’t always know they’re ugly. Just like your children, every one thinks their team is the best. For the health of your wager, do yourself a favor and take a step back and look at it from the perspective of your buddies. That team you brought home with you last night is a pig. Rectify the situation, or you might as well go ahead and name your team “The Moped” if you know what I mean.

Labels: fantasy draft, fantasy football, fantasy nfl, football, football draft, free agency

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Well, here we are once again, those two weeks of your life where you are now the most knowledgeable person on the face of the planet when it comes to Fantasy Football. If you’re reading this now and thinking, “Great! Where was this article LAST week?” then keep read this article for next year, because the next sentence will give you great insight into Fantasy Football. Never ever draft before the second half of August. The week before the season starts is ideal, but the third week in August will do fine as well. People who draft in July and early August are playing Russian Roulette. How do you think Clinton Portis owners feel right now? They wish THEY were drafting this weekend…

So, there’s your first little tidbit of knowledge. If you’ve already drafted this season, then you have room to improve. Now, for those of you who have been chewing through your pencils, waiting on the end of August for your draft like a good b